NFC & AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES

New York +3 over SAN FRAN - As far as I'm concerned the Giants are the team to beat the rest of the way.  I see them thumping the Niners and winning the Super Bowl, who ever they wind up playing.  That D-Line is absolutely amazing.  They're QB Killers and Alex Smith is the next victim. 

Baltimore +9 over NEW ENGLAND - The Pats have not beaten a team with a winning record yet.  If the Ravens can forget they are on the road and just play to the level they are capable of they will crush New England. 

2-2 last week

Burning Daylight

I will be starting my cross country journey on Sunday.  I'm shooting for a 4:30am wake up and hitting the road by 5am.  Getting a jump on it.  That's what we call it in my family.  Any trip greater than five hours requires getting that jump.  I still haven't convinced the Lovely Girlfriend that this is the best way to travel.  A couple years ago my Ass Crack Of Dawn wake up calls were met with a firm "Fuck Off!" and her pulling the covers over her head.  Nowadays, she just grunts her disapproval but still manages to roll out of bed.  If I speak to her at all in those first few hours she makes a point of being unpleasant.  Stressing that it is my fault she's in such a bad mood because I'm the asshole who woke her up before she was ready.  I am slowly wearing her down.  In a year of two she'll be bounding out of bed bragging about how much time we're saving by beating traffic. 

TLG isn't making this road trip.  SugarDust is my co-pilot on this one.  He enjoys a 5am start time.  Sadly, I'm not 100% certain that he can read a map.  It's not too big a deal because neither can The Lovely Girlfriend.  At least he'll be pleasant in the morning.  Right now the plan is Maine --> New Jersey --> Cincinnati, OH --> Norman, OK --> Cheyenne, WY --> Estes Park, CO --> Las Vegas, NV --> Home.  Not the straightest of routes but with family and friends along the way we should have adequate food and shelter at every stop.  I'll try my best to post updates as we go.  Also, in an effort to give you the best possible blog experience I'll be attempting to add videos from our travels as well.  This probably won't happen as I'm technologically illiterate but at least you now know I'll be trying.     

A Blip on the Radar

Here's a brief timeline of the Hodgkin's Lymphoma Odyssey, which ended today after my final radiation about seven hours ago.

Mid-May 2011 - I am halfway through week five of P90X.  I'm looking damn sexy but not so much that I appear unattainable.  In a crushing blow to future underwear modeling gigs I injure my shoulder while doing some kind of crazy no-armed push-ups.  The Lovely Girlfriend is away on business so no one is there to hear me cry like a baby.  Or help me up.  After several hours on the floor I realize I need to take a leak.  I spend several moments debating if I should just relieve myself on the carpet instead of facing the pain of pushing myself up.  I eventually make my way into the bathroom.

Mid-May (one or two days later) 2011 - I notice I swollen lump on my collar bone and based on how sore my shoulder is from the previous days activities I assume it is related.  I spend several hours checking out my rippling pecs then take some Advil washed down with a half dozen double bourbons.

Late June 2011 - My Father and Mother spot the lump on my collar bone and ask what and how?  My Mother expertly nags me into my first doctors visit in about six years.

July 5th - I see my family doctor.  He takes one look at the monkey fist size lump and immediately realizes it is no sports injury.  He schedules a CAT Scan.  He compliments me on how fit I am looking.

July 12th - CAT Scan.  I start to get the feeling I may be in some real trouble when the Tech puts her hand on my shoulder, looks at me with great concern and wishes me the best of luck. 

July 13th - Second CAT Scan.  This one on last minute notice because the first one didn't look so great.  This one covering the entire body instead of just my neck.  I don't wear underwear to help make sure they get a good look at everything important.  This time when it's over the Tech puts her hand on my thigh.

July 19th - Surgical Consult.  I meet a doctor that reminds me of Diane Keaton and doesn't seem to think I am taking this as seriously as I should be.  I tell her it'll all be fine.  She fails to recognize that I am indestructible.  I probably should have worn my cape to the appointment.  It would have helped her see me as the superhero I thoroughly believe myself to be.

July 20th - Surgery.  I wake up halfway through the operation and start fighting the doctors and nurses.  In my half sedated state I firmly believe that I am being held captive by the KGB and they are trying to pull one of those Face/Off type surgeries with me and John Travolta.  Okay, that part probably didn't happen.  Honestly, I remember very little of this day other than being sore and sleepy. 

July 21st - Diagnosis - I get the call.  Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Or as I like to call it The Cadillac of Cancers.  I tell Dr. Diane Keaton that I'm thrilled it's the good kind.  She seems perplexed.  She still hasn't seen me in my cape and tights yet. 

July 29th & August 1st - Sperm Bank.  I fire off several dozen potential Little Julio's into a couple of dixie cups.  It is a lot more romantic than that sounds.  Also, they ask me if I'd like to have the Lovely Girlfriend in the room with me then they tell me there is no touching allowed as it can ruin the sperm sample.  So basically they are asking me if I care to have an audience for my performance.

August 3rd thru November 9th - Chemo.  Hair loss.  Nausea.  Rapid weight gain thanks to the steroids.  And some kind of weird new ability to match any possible outfit with plaid flannel shirts.  To be fair, that last side effect may have come from living in Maine and not the chemo.

August 28th - My Father slips in the garage and as a precaution is taken by ambulance to Eastern Maine Medical.  He seems fine but the doctor wants to keep him over night just to be sure.  Stop reading now if you don't like sad stories.

September 5th - As my sister and I are waiting for the hospice care people to drop off the oxygen tanks and hospital bed for my Father's return home I realize I have come down with a fever.  I'd had a port-a-cath put in a week or so before.  I am admitted into the hospital with a fever of 103.5.  I will not sleep at all that night because I am shivering so hard.  On top of feeling like I'm freezing cold because I'm so damn hot I have to stuff ice packs under my arms, between my legs and around my midsection.

September 6th - My Mother calls me in the hospital to tell me my Dad isn't waking up.  The ambulance is on the way.  I talk the nurses into letting me go downstairs into the ER to see him when he comes in.  I still have  got a fever of 103 (I'm hot blooded! I'm hot blooded!).  They wheel me down.  For the next three days I shuttle back and forth between my room on the 6th floor and the ICU.  I have MRSA.  A doctor tells me it's the third deadliest Staph.  I make some kind of wise assed remark and he doesn't laugh.  On September 7th my fever finally breaks.  I sweat so much I wake up repeatedly to change my clothes and the bed linens.  The next day a nurse tells me she'd never seen someone keep a temp that high for that long.  I am strangely proud of this fact.

September 9th - I am released from the hospital.  My Father dies. 

September 13th & 14th - Around 700 plus people come out to celebrate the life of one of the Greatest Men to Ever Walk the Planet.

September 20th - I get a package of antibiotics mailed to me and a nurse comes to my house to show me how to use them.  Ending an ten day run of having to got to the hospital three times a day at 8am, 4pm and 11 at night.  No exceptions.  That's after the viewing.  Before and after the funeral.  Every day since I'd been released from the hospital.  I now can do the injections at home.  For another three weeks or so to make sure the MRSA is gone.   

November 14th - I finally get to see the West Coast again.  A space between chemo and radiation allows me to have three weeks back in LA.  Three much needed weeks.  The Lovely Girlfriend and I throw a party.  Travel.  Eat some amazing meals, drink some incredible wine and have loads and loads of intercourse.  Not because we wanted to.  But because we needed to make sure that the chemotherapy didn't leave me with any drastic side effects.  It didn't.

December  19th - Radiation begins.  Only not really as I have a full fledged freak out and can't go through with having a mask strapped to my head and getting pinned to a table.  Thankfully we figure it out and the 20 sessions don't exactly fly by but we manage.  Which brings us to...

January 18th - The Rest of My Life Begins.  I'll see if I can fit back into my tights and cape. 
 

And then there was one

Tomorrow will be my last radiation treatment.  Twenty sessions, finally over.  I have dropped about fifteen pounds in the last three weeks of liquid dieting thanks to the radiation burning my esphogus.  I'm still around twenty five lbs heavier than when this all began but as it happens I've uncovered a miracle diet in the process.  I call it the Ensure/Boost/CheaperStoreBrand Diet.  All the info on how to execute this diet is already in the title.  Instead of eating deliciously meatly, fatty, sweet or salty solid food you switch to flavorless liquid meals in a bottle (a whole 8 oz!  You may want to split em up they're so darn filling) that come in a remarklably wide variety of three flavors.  When you include the options of purchasing Boost and/or the CheaperStoreBrand and the rainbow of three flavors that they also both come in and you are up to nine whole types of milky, chalky, bland drinks!  That a lot of the same damn thing!   

Lucky for me I've only got one session remaining.  That means starting tomorrow around 4:30 EST my side effects will gradually get worse for a period of two to three weeks before finally tapering off and then returning to normal over another two week period of time.  That's damn near five more weeks of dull as milky dishwater meals in a bottle.  I may make it back to my pre-cancer weight without touching a weight!  I'd be both thinner and flabbier.  Or maybe saggier would be a better description.  Either way it won't be pretty.  You can call me The Face.  Cause nobody would ever call me The Body.

Home

No matter where I've lived over the better part of the last twenty years I've always referred to Maine as home.  While briefly in college in Hartford (not a surprise, if the building could get up and leave Hartford they would).  As much as I loved New York.  As much as I disliked Nashua.  As often as I wished I was only visiting Boston and still living in New York and not the other way around.  And as fan-fuckin-tastic as Los Angeles is.  It has only been within the last two plus years that I've begun to adjust my frame of reference.  It's not that I ever intended to return to Maine for the rest of my life.  Far from it.  Rather, until two years and nine months ago my life always felt kind of temporary.  Part of that feeling could have been due to the fact that I lived in an apartment that could have easily passed for a large college dorm room.  Furnished with nothing that cost more than twenty dollars.  Decorated with movie posters and tiki light strings and a carpet that saw a vacuum around every change of season - only the seasons never change in Los Angeles.  As you can imagine, the ladies entertained there were always impressed with my ability to keep house.  When the Lovely Girlfriend saw the place for the first time she would have turned and run had I not blocked all the exits.  And covered her mouth to keep her from screaming for help.  Who ever said I don't understand the art of seduction? 

Over the last couple years a seismic shift has taken place.  Whereas in the past I always looked at my apartment as stopping point between destinations Our Place has become The Destination.  In part because the Lovely Girlfriend has taken over the decorating department so it looks like adults live their and not The Delta House.  I'm not saying we'll live there forever.  We still have our big plans, dream homes, ideal neighborhoods.  It's the living arrangements that feel permanent.  No matter where the two of us are, together it's home.  After over seven months apart I will finally get to return home.  And about two weeks ahead of schedule.  The days to launch cannot go by fast enough.

So as if the previous paragraph wasn't sappy enough I'm going to share with all of you one of Our Songs.  Its extensive use in an NFL ad campaign not withstanding, this has been running through my brain for several days now and I thought I should share it.  See you in about 14 days, Darlin.

NFL PLAYOFFS WEEK 2!

Since the Steelers are out of the playoffs I truly do not care who wins (as long as it's not the Pats, Packers, Niners or Ravens) but I've been so damn hot lately I feel compelled to continue handing out winners for all of you. 

New Orleans -4 over SAN FRAN - The Saints are too damn explosive.  I don't give a damn how good the Niners D is or that they are going to be on the road and playing outside.  It's gonna be about 60 and partially sunny.  Playing outside won't matter.  Saints cruise.

Denver +14.5 over NEW ENGLAND - The Pats will probably win this game but not by more than two touchdowns.  They still can't play D, don't have any kind of sustained running game and will have trouble keeping Brady protected.  I'd love to see Denver win this game.  God, please keep favoring Tebow over all the other athletes on the field.

BALTIMORE -7.5 over Houston - The Ravens will be far far too much for TJ Yates.  No matter how good he's looked over the past few weeks he's still a rookie and he still hasn't faced anybody like the Ravens.  Also, fuck the Ravens!

New York +9 over GREEN BAY - My biggest win ever in Vegas came in the Giants v Pats Super Bowl.  This Giants team looks a whole lot like that Giants team.  They are currently the only team that I could stomach seeing win the Super Bowl.  Partially because they were my Dad's favorite team and partially because of the big Vegas victory back in February 08. 

Last week 3-1

Season +19

Oh, yeah, I know this is a day early but I'm headed to the deer camp in Western Maine tomorrow so I won't be near a computer until late Sunday.

Old Port Serenade 2nd Refrain

We'd been told about Local 188 by Gourmet Biker (first restaurant recommendation of the New Year) and since we couldn't check into The Regency until 2pm (first hotel check in of the New Year) we decided to take a stroll (first walk of the New Year) and find breakfast (first meal of the New Year).  We celebrated our hangovers (first hangovers of the New Year) with strong coffee (first coffee of the New Year), Caribbean hash and eggs (first hash and eggs of the New Year) and a build your own omelet (first omelet of the New Year).  Truly a historic day of firsts (squinting, nodding, staring off into distance).  

Local 188 is aces in my book.  I highly recommend this place to anyone searching for powerful coffee, large portions and reasonable prices.  My dish - the Caribbean corned beef hash - was delicious, huge and only about $6.50.  The Lovely Girlfriend's omelet was similarly enormous and also well under ten bucks.  They've got a full bar at Local 188 and while we didn't indulge a couple of girls seated next to us slugged down a handful of large orange-ish cocktails.  I think they were Mimosas but they could have been Screwdrivers.  Either way the girls were a little wobbly when they left so while I cannot directly recommend any drinks to you I can tell you by the looks of it they pour em strong.  I can also tell you that they serve a Sazerac which is a sure sign of a bar inhabited by serious drinkers, another good sign.  Since Portland is a favorite spot (read that as the only spot) of the Lovely Girlfriend to visit when in Maine I'm sure we will return to sample their libations at a later date. 

When our room was ready at 2pm we realized The Regency was absolutely worth the wait.  Great fuckin hotel!  Plus, once again thanks to The Lovely Girlfriend's points we got the room for a meager $15.00 per night.  After some extra curricular activities (first hanky-panky of the New Year... well, not the first now that I think about it.  First in that hotel room.  Truly a historic day of firsts) we checked out their spa and made our plans for the evening.  The Spa at The Regency is a little small but it's got everything you'd want.  Gym, hot tub, sauna and steam room, lockers and a little lounge with a flat screen plus none of those b.s. fees for usage.  The Lovely Girlfriend got a massage from some foreign dude that she seemed a little too satisfied with so I put a call into INS.  He should be receiving his deportation papers any day now.

We had dinner at The Grill Room and if I could have eaten the next days breakfast, lunch and dinner there I would have.  We ate at the bar because the joint was very busy.  Our bartender was extremely friendly, handed out a few samples off their extensive cocktail menu and otherwise kept us entertained.    This was an Amazing Meal.  Perfectly cooked 37 ounce (you read that correctly, 37 ounces) porterhouse steak.  Grilled asparagus, mushroom risotto and roasted beets as well as poached sweetbreads for a starter.  I would have licked the plates if I hadn't been in polite company.  We ended the night with a slice of carrot cake damn near the size of the plate it came on.  I am already looking forward to our next visit. 

We decided to catch a movie after dinner and while I would like to tell you that Young Adult was as good as either of our meals or our hotel I can't.  This is one lousy movie.  If you haven't seen it and you were planning to don't bother.  If it didn't interest you in the first place, your judgment is better than mine.  Without ruining the ending for any of you that are still foolish enough to throw down your hard earned money on this stinker I will just say this - it doesn't end.  Sure the credits roll and the lights come up but the movie doesn't end.  I'm sure the excuse the screenwriter, director and producers would give you is "that's how life is, life doesn't just end."  To that I say it's a fuckin movie, asshole!  Give me a beginning a middle and an end.  I understand that big things in life don't typically get resolved in two hours but in movies they do.  In songs it takes about three and a half minutes, in books it around 300 pages but they still fucking end!  Otherwise you are wasting my time.  Screw you for wasting my time.  Look at that, first movie review of the New Year.  Truly a historic day of firsts (squinting, nodding, staring off into distance).  

Day two at The Regency had me headed out looking for a bar to watch the bowl games.  Gritty McDuffs is by no means a sports bar but as it happens it was open and that was more than most of the other bars on Fore street could say.  Gritty's is a brewpub and I think it may have been the first one in Maine twenty plus years ago at the start of the whole brewpub craze.  Amazingly, while at the bar a guy sitting next to me recognized me from this blog.  I'll call him Berry Pond Rock Star.  As it turned out we had met back in the early ninties and had several mutual friends in common.  He was fortifying himself with a bit of Dutch courage before heading out to buy an engagement ring.  It tried to talk him out of it but from what I understand he went through with it.  Kidding, I never tried to talk him out of it.  I congratulated him and told him marriage is something everyone should do at least once.  More than anything I was thrilled to run into a follower of the blog.  PBRS went on and on about how brilliant of a writer I am.  How I'm an inspiration to everyone.  you know, the usual. 

We didn't eat the Gritty's, instead we headed to Warf St and The Merry Table.  Reasonably priced french food is hard to come by and often times something to be wary of but that is not the case here.  Most dishes were in the $12 - 17 range.  I had the cassoulet, the Lovely Girlfriend had a gigantic salad.  All together the bill came to around forty bucks with drinks and tip.  The cassoulet was filled with some kind of outstanding sausage and came with an entire roasted duck leg on the side.  The big salad was just like it sounds - a really big salad.  We didn't order desert but we did see some extravagant crepes being served at tables nearby.  We'll have to add that to our next trip as well.

The next morning at around 4am I took the Lovely Girlfriend to the airport.  At the time we were a month away from this whole ordeal being wrapped up and on the road to getting our life back to normal.  We are now about eighteen days away from that moment.  Hopefully we can kick that off with another travelogue.  This time some place warm.  I'm thinking Vegas.