NFL WEEK 10!

Too hung over for preamble, no time for chit-chat.  Here's the Stone Cold Red Hot Lead Pipe Shoe In Locks!

Giants -4.5 over BENGALS
DOLPHINS -6.5 over Titans
Lions -2.5 over VIKINGS
PATS -11 over Bills
SAINTS +2.5 over Falcons
BUCS -3 over Chargers
Broncos -3.5 over PANTHERS
Raiders +9 over RAVENS
Jets +6 over SEAHAWKS
Cowboys -1 over EAGLES
Rams +13.5 over 49ERS
Texans +1.5 over BEARS
STEELERS -12 over Chiefs

1-0 so far this week. 

70-61-3 overall.


 

NFL WEEK 9!

I should stop apologizing each week for putting this post up so late and just recognize the fact that I'm not posting on this blog with any near the consistency as I would like. 

On the plus side I posted my third straight winning week and have inched my record for the season to a not too shabby 64-53-3.  I missed posting a Thursday night pick so I'm 0-0 so far this week.

With 30 minutes to kickoff - here's my Stone Cold Red Hot Lead Pipe Shoe In Picks!

Broncos -4 over BENGALS
BROWNS +4 over Ravens
Cards +10.5 over PACKERS
TITANS +5 over Bears
COLTS +2.5 over Dolphins
SKINS -3 over Panthers
JAGS +6 over Lions
Bills +11 over TEXANS
Bucs +1.5 over RAIDERS
SEAHAWKS -4 over Vikings
GIANTS -3.5 over Steelers
FALCONS -3.5 over Cowboys
Eagles +3 over SAINTS

Place your bets!

NFL WEEK 8!

Once again I've put off making my picks until the 11th hour.  It's a formula that seems to be working, with a second winning week in a row and a bold step into the over .500 category for the season so far.  Good luck out there to all you gambling addicts that might actually be consulting this blog before putting your money down.  Also, you've probably got a problem if you're consulting a cancer blog about NFL lines.  I urge you to seek help.

Oh, and one last thing - thank you TB for providing me an 1-0 start this week and continuing the dog cover tradition on Thursday nights. 

Here's my Stone Cold, Red Hot, Lead Pipe, Shoe In Locks!

BEARS -7.5 over Panthers
BROWNS +3 over Chargers
Seahawks +2.5 over LIONS
RAMS +7 over Pats
Colts +4 over TITANS
PACKERS -14.5 over Jags
Dolphins +2.5 over JETS
Falcons +3 over EAGLES
STEELERS -4 over Redskins
Raiders +1 over CHIEFS
BRONCOS -6 over Saints
Giants -1 over COWBOYS
CARDS +8 over 49ers

Last week: 9-3-1
This week so far: 1-0
Overall - 55-48-3

NFL WEEK 7!

I'm so late in posting this I don't have enough time to explain the reasoning behind each game.  You'll just have to trust me that my thought process is sound and my picks will be just as wildly inaccurate as they are every other week. 

Titans +4 over BILLS
COLTS -1 over Browns
RAMS +5 over Packers
Cards +7 over VIKES
Skins +6.5 over GIANTS
BUCS pick em over Saints
Cowboys -2.5 over PANTHERS
TEXANS -6.5 over Ravens
RAIDERS -6 over Jags
Jets +10.5 over PATS
Steelers -1 over BENGALS
LIONS +7 over Bears

Last week: 9-5

So far this week: 1-0

Overall: 45-45-2

NFL WEEK 6 - The Beating Continues

After taking a Ike Turner-esque beating from the NFL last week some of you probably expected me to escape from the limo, sprint into a hotel across the street to safety then slowly build a comeback through Musical Revues in retirement homes - or something like that, it's been a while since I've seen that Tina Turner movie.  But no, I'm still at the point in the film where I'm ready to come back for more apply make-up to the resulting bruises and tell all my friends that The NFL didn't really mean it.

So, without further ado and with a slight flinch after each prediction - here's my NFL Week 6 picks!  Betting the other side of these picks will almost certainly guarantee a winning week for you.

FALCONS -9 over Raiders - Raiders are only good at home and against other, shitty teams.  Atlanta is at home and not a shitty team so you do the math.

Bengals -2.5 over BROWNS - Bengals are in need of a W after dropping one at home last week to the Dolphins. I get the feeling the Browns are just happy they won the first half against the G-men last week.  Cincy puts it on 'em in an effort to stay in the hunt in the AFC North.

Rams +5 over DOLPHINS - I'm starting to believe that the NFC West is a tough division. Maybe one of the toughest in the league.  That's an amazing turn around from the last few years as the doormat of all of pro football.  Rams try to build on their momentum and Maimi's standing in their way.  St. Louis doesn't just cover, they pull out the W.

Colts +3.5 over JETS - After just five weeks the Indy looks like a totally different team.  Even with the loss of Pagano as HC this team looks hot.  The Jets are slowly working towards Rex Ryan's inevitable week 13 firing. 

Lions +3.5 over EAGLES - Philly may be the flashiest bad team in the history of the NFL.  Right up there with June Jones/Jeff George's Falcon's squad of the mid-90's and Jerry Glanville's Houston Oilers/Atlanta Falcon's teams of the early 90's.  Lots of offensive weapons with no real ability to capitalize on them.  It's got to be chalked up to bad coaching.  Just as Rex Ryan won't make it through the season, I don't expect Andy Reid to last until Week 17 either. 

BUCS -4 over Chiefs - Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn!

Cowboys +3.5 over RAVENS - Dallas is one of those up/down teams so based on how badly they played two weeks ago and the fact they're coming off a bye week I can only assume this will be their up week. 

Bills +6 over CARDS - I'm fully expecting this pick to not only blow up in my face but also tear my arms off Oliver Stone PLATOON-style.  Hey, guys, look what I found, the Bills D-line vs. a Cards line that has trouble... BOOM! That's how this will probably go but what the hell, I'm picking this box up either way.

SEAHAWKS +3.5 over Pats - 12th Man! Seahawks D! 1st game at home since the NFL burned up nearly a billion dollars in bets by letting a high school ref onto the field!  I can't believe it myself but for two weeks in a row I'm throwing off my new found hatred for Seattle and cheering for the Seahawks! Go that awful Neon Green and some kind of silver!

Giants +7 over NINERS - The G-Men are Road Warriors that always play up to or down to the level of their competition.  The last thing they want is to drop to 3-3. Even with a divisional games coming up over the next two week this isn't the trap game it looks like.  That was last week against Cleveland.  I think the Giants not only cover put pull out a win.

Vikes -1 over SKINS - Minny is an old school football team.  They will pound the ball against Washington, wear them out then put them away.  Throw in Robert Griffin's scrambled brains and I see this as a route.

TEXANS -3 over Packers - Texans are the best team in the NFL.  Packers still have a reputation as a great team but none of the real results of an actual great team.  If this were a game against a team without such a national following the spread would probably be closer to 6 or 7.

Broncos pick'em over CHARGERS - I can't figure out the Broncos or the Chargers.  I'm inclined to believe that neither team is very good and ultimately the AFC West will produce a playoff team that doesn't deserve to be there and gets housed in the first round.

Last week: 5-9

 

NFL WEEK 5

With kickoff looming, here are my blazing hot, stone cold, lead pipe, shoe ins!

BENGALS -3 over Fins - Miami's may be better than they looked to start the season - a low bar to jump over but still worth noting.  The Bengals look shakier than they did last year.  Either way, only a crazy person takes Miami on the road.

Packers -6.5 over COLTS - Half point more and this looks like a push to me or a home dog cover.  I think the Pack are putting it together.  Slowly recovering from the Seattle Debacle.  They'll take it out on Indy.

CHIEFS +6.5 over Ravens - I can't tell you a single thing about KC.  Are they a team on the rise? Do they have lots of weapons? Based on how up and down terrible they've looked, I just can't say.  I can tell you the Ravens are one of the five best teams in the NFL.  Still, there's something I like about Kansas City at home.  I'm throwing my hands up - home dog, that's the pick.

Browns +9 over GIANTS - This shouldn't even be close but for some reason the G-Men never seem to play as well at home as on the road and they also never stomp on those teams they are so clearly better than. 

STEELERS -2.5 over Eagles - Bye week, the fear of going to 1-3, all their healthy players back.  The Steelers are amped for this game.

Falcons -3 over SKINS - In some game soon RG3 will get broken into RG4 or RG5.  He's taking too bad a beating to make it through a whole season.

Seahawks +3 over PANTHERS - I know this goes against what I promised just last week of actively rooting against Seattle but come on! Those DB's against Cam Newton?  This isn't even fair.  How many picks does Cam throw?  I'm setting the o/u at 3.5.

JAGS +6 over Bears - Good game, bad game, bad game, good game.  This is the pattern of the Bears.  I'm expecting a lull here.

Titans +6 over VIKES - I'm a believer in Minnesota.  I'm impressed.  This team is for real. That being said, the Titans HAVE TO WIN this game to keep their season from flushing down the toilet.  I think the Vikings win, just not by 6.

Broncos +7.5 over PATS - Despite two loses New England still commands a touchdown favorite advantage at home? Over a team with an excellent D, a solid run game and Peyton Manning at QB? Even post whiplash surgery, Peyton is a tough quarterback to bet against. Pats win but by a lot closer to 3 than 7.

Bills +11 over 49ERS - Too many points for a Niners team that can't score lots of points.  Beating the crap out of a horrible Jets team doesn't make the Niners all of the sudden a high scoring O.  Plus, this Bills team tends to bounce back after big beatings.

SAINTS -3 over Chargers - Four weeks into the season and Norv Turner has proved my wrong more often than he's proved me right.  That will not keep me from continuing to bet against him.  GEAUX SAINTS!

Texans -8 over JETS - No Revis. No Holmes. No Keller, Hill or Conner.  This Jets team banged up, poorly coached, has zero quality qb play.  In a nutshell, this Jets team is atrocious. 

This week: 1-0 after taking Rams +3 over Cards.  Seriously, if you were friends with me on facebook you'd have seen that pick.

Last week: 7-8

Overall: 30-31-2

 

My Bad Ass Thyroid

Damn is my thyroid one bad mofo.  Nine months ago my thyroid took the kind of beating white supremacist prison gangs would find excessive.  It looked rough afterwards.  The doctors all said it wouldn't make it.  It'd have to be on meds it's whole life.  It was too weak to make it on it's own.  It's days were numbered.

My Thyroid and I wouldn't accept that answer. We both grew up in the 80's and if there was one thing we learned from movies during that time, a doctor's diagnosis was just an invitation to start training montage style.  Sure, it took some time to recover.  We were both pretty wiped out for a solid seven months but slowly, we licked our wounds and prepared for our triumphant return. 

Last Monday, my thyroid started it's comeback.  The work out was brutal.  Nearly two solid hours in 95 degree heat.  Mix martial art training with two guys that could probably snap my neck if I really pushed the envelope on the trash talk.  Wednesday's workout was even rougher. Tomorrow I'll put my thyroid through it's paces again.  My thyroid is a fuckin workout monster!

So from gangland style beat down to some two-hundred and seventy days later and now my thyroid would kick your thyroids ass!  On top of that my thyroid is drug free.  As a matter of fact, I'm looking for one of those clean amateur thyroid contests to enter my thyroid in to match it up with other bad ass thyroids.  There may or may not be a thyroid magazine featuring totally ripped scantily clad thyroids posing seductively.  Okay, there probably isn't but I've never looked so I can't say for certain.  Either way, if there was such a magazine, my thyroid would deserve a centerfold. 

I'm not really sure what my thyroid looks like but if it's anything like it's owner, it exudes sexuality. And because it's a kick ass thyroid it also exudes triiodothyronine.  One of those can get messy.  I'll leave it up to you decide which. 

So here's to my Bad Ass Mofo of Thyroid! I'll now have a couple drinks in celebration of you working.  Secure in the knowledge that any additional calories I take in will be handled by you regulating my thyroxine and in turn my metabolism.  Fuckin-A Right, Thyroid! You Rock!