After taking a Ike Turner-esque beating from the NFL last week some of you probably expected me to escape from the limo, sprint into a hotel across the street to safety then slowly build a comeback through Musical Revues in retirement homes - or something like that, it's been a while since I've seen that Tina Turner movie. But no, I'm still at the point in the film where I'm ready to come back for more apply make-up to the resulting bruises and tell all my friends that The NFL didn't really mean it.
So, without further ado and with a slight flinch after each prediction - here's my NFL Week 6 picks! Betting the other side of these picks will almost certainly guarantee a winning week for you.
FALCONS -9 over Raiders - Raiders are only good at home and against other, shitty teams. Atlanta is at home and not a shitty team so you do the math.
Bengals -2.5 over BROWNS - Bengals are in need of a W after dropping one at home last week to the Dolphins. I get the feeling the Browns are just happy they won the first half against the G-men last week. Cincy puts it on 'em in an effort to stay in the hunt in the AFC North.
Rams +5 over DOLPHINS - I'm starting to believe that the NFC West is a tough division. Maybe one of the toughest in the league. That's an amazing turn around from the last few years as the doormat of all of pro football. Rams try to build on their momentum and Maimi's standing in their way. St. Louis doesn't just cover, they pull out the W.
Colts +3.5 over JETS - After just five weeks the Indy looks like a totally different team. Even with the loss of Pagano as HC this team looks hot. The Jets are slowly working towards Rex Ryan's inevitable week 13 firing.
Lions +3.5 over EAGLES - Philly may be the flashiest bad team in the history of the NFL. Right up there with June Jones/Jeff George's Falcon's squad of the mid-90's and Jerry Glanville's Houston Oilers/Atlanta Falcon's teams of the early 90's. Lots of offensive weapons with no real ability to capitalize on them. It's got to be chalked up to bad coaching. Just as Rex Ryan won't make it through the season, I don't expect Andy Reid to last until Week 17 either.
BUCS -4 over Chiefs - Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn!
Cowboys +3.5 over RAVENS - Dallas is one of those up/down teams so based on how badly they played two weeks ago and the fact they're coming off a bye week I can only assume this will be their up week.
Bills +6 over CARDS - I'm fully expecting this pick to not only blow up in my face but also tear my arms off Oliver Stone PLATOON-style. Hey, guys, look what I found, the Bills D-line vs. a Cards line that has trouble... BOOM! That's how this will probably go but what the hell, I'm picking this box up either way.
SEAHAWKS +3.5 over Pats - 12th Man! Seahawks D! 1st game at home since the NFL burned up nearly a billion dollars in bets by letting a high school ref onto the field! I can't believe it myself but for two weeks in a row I'm throwing off my new found hatred for Seattle and cheering for the Seahawks! Go that awful Neon Green and some kind of silver!
Giants +7 over NINERS - The G-Men are Road Warriors that always play up to or down to the level of their competition. The last thing they want is to drop to 3-3. Even with a divisional games coming up over the next two week this isn't the trap game it looks like. That was last week against Cleveland. I think the Giants not only cover put pull out a win.
Vikes -1 over SKINS - Minny is an old school football team. They will pound the ball against Washington, wear them out then put them away. Throw in Robert Griffin's scrambled brains and I see this as a route.
TEXANS -3 over Packers - Texans are the best team in the NFL. Packers still have a reputation as a great team but none of the real results of an actual great team. If this were a game against a team without such a national following the spread would probably be closer to 6 or 7.
Broncos pick'em over CHARGERS - I can't figure out the Broncos or the Chargers. I'm inclined to believe that neither team is very good and ultimately the AFC West will produce a playoff team that doesn't deserve to be there and gets housed in the first round.
Last week: 5-9
So, without further ado and with a slight flinch after each prediction - here's my NFL Week 6 picks! Betting the other side of these picks will almost certainly guarantee a winning week for you.
FALCONS -9 over Raiders - Raiders are only good at home and against other, shitty teams. Atlanta is at home and not a shitty team so you do the math.
Bengals -2.5 over BROWNS - Bengals are in need of a W after dropping one at home last week to the Dolphins. I get the feeling the Browns are just happy they won the first half against the G-men last week. Cincy puts it on 'em in an effort to stay in the hunt in the AFC North.
Rams +5 over DOLPHINS - I'm starting to believe that the NFC West is a tough division. Maybe one of the toughest in the league. That's an amazing turn around from the last few years as the doormat of all of pro football. Rams try to build on their momentum and Maimi's standing in their way. St. Louis doesn't just cover, they pull out the W.
Colts +3.5 over JETS - After just five weeks the Indy looks like a totally different team. Even with the loss of Pagano as HC this team looks hot. The Jets are slowly working towards Rex Ryan's inevitable week 13 firing.
Lions +3.5 over EAGLES - Philly may be the flashiest bad team in the history of the NFL. Right up there with June Jones/Jeff George's Falcon's squad of the mid-90's and Jerry Glanville's Houston Oilers/Atlanta Falcon's teams of the early 90's. Lots of offensive weapons with no real ability to capitalize on them. It's got to be chalked up to bad coaching. Just as Rex Ryan won't make it through the season, I don't expect Andy Reid to last until Week 17 either.
BUCS -4 over Chiefs - Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn! Brady Quinn!
Cowboys +3.5 over RAVENS - Dallas is one of those up/down teams so based on how badly they played two weeks ago and the fact they're coming off a bye week I can only assume this will be their up week.
Bills +6 over CARDS - I'm fully expecting this pick to not only blow up in my face but also tear my arms off Oliver Stone PLATOON-style. Hey, guys, look what I found, the Bills D-line vs. a Cards line that has trouble... BOOM! That's how this will probably go but what the hell, I'm picking this box up either way.
SEAHAWKS +3.5 over Pats - 12th Man! Seahawks D! 1st game at home since the NFL burned up nearly a billion dollars in bets by letting a high school ref onto the field! I can't believe it myself but for two weeks in a row I'm throwing off my new found hatred for Seattle and cheering for the Seahawks! Go that awful Neon Green and some kind of silver!
Giants +7 over NINERS - The G-Men are Road Warriors that always play up to or down to the level of their competition. The last thing they want is to drop to 3-3. Even with a divisional games coming up over the next two week this isn't the trap game it looks like. That was last week against Cleveland. I think the Giants not only cover put pull out a win.
Vikes -1 over SKINS - Minny is an old school football team. They will pound the ball against Washington, wear them out then put them away. Throw in Robert Griffin's scrambled brains and I see this as a route.
TEXANS -3 over Packers - Texans are the best team in the NFL. Packers still have a reputation as a great team but none of the real results of an actual great team. If this were a game against a team without such a national following the spread would probably be closer to 6 or 7.
Broncos pick'em over CHARGERS - I can't figure out the Broncos or the Chargers. I'm inclined to believe that neither team is very good and ultimately the AFC West will produce a playoff team that doesn't deserve to be there and gets housed in the first round.
Last week: 5-9
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