The 2012 NFL Season begins in just 8
hours as a begin to write this, which I'd like to think makes my NFL
Preview article the most last minute of them all. Not having an
editor on my ass or getting paid to write these may have something to
do with it but also, to be fair, I have been really busy laying pool
side in Palm Springs. So, with time time crunch as an issue, here we
go.
AFC
EAST
PATRIOTS – 14-2. Yet another year
with a total patsy schedule for the NFL's Golden Boy. Is David Stern
running the league now? I say they wind up with a number one spot
then lose in the second round to a team that had to actually prove
themselves during the season.
BILLS – 10-6. Buffalo fans welcome to a wild card spot and a loss in the first round! Remember what it feels like to be a relevant team? You're back! You've got play makers at wide receiver and running back, you've got a pass rush, your QB is spotty but he can lead you to a very respectable season. Chan Gailey
might even be a solid coach... okay, let's not go crazy.
JETS – 6-10 at best. This team is
horrible. Hard to win games when you can't score points. Sexy Rexy's
last season as an HC for a while. Also, Mark Sanchez punches Tim
Tebow in the face at some point during the season. Tebow turns the
other cheek. Conservative Christians everywhere pee their collective
pants over the story.
DOLPHINS – 3-13. Hard Knocks is an
amazing show. I really hope they give a 13 episode show to the
Dolphins coaching staff. It doesn't even have to involve the
football season. I'd love to see Joe Philbin sending food back at a
restaurant. “It's nothing you did, it's just not working out for
the both of us.” Also, the meathead TE's coach, Dan Campbell, is a
comedic genius, only he's not trying to be funny. On the plus side
Ryan Tannehill will be a very good QB eventually.
NORTH
RAVENS – 11-5. I have
nothing to say about these thugs other than I bet they beat puppies.
STEELERS – 11-5. Aging. Slowly but
surely letting a great O's potential get eclipsed by a D that no
longer has the horses. As a fan, it's hard to watch.
BENGALS – 9-7. A team on the come. As
I predicted last year, the Red Rocket is a real deal NFL QB. Not
flashy, not a guy with a giant arm but smart, efficient and crafty
enough to make all the right throws. Like a Ginger Joe Montana. I'm
not saying he'll have that kind of career but I am saying he sure
looks like the same kind of talent.
BROWNS – 5-11. I feel for Cleveland
fans. For one, they are apparently unaware that they can move away
from Cleveland. And two, the Browns used to be a cornerstone
franchise in the league. I know that's hard to believe for anyone
under the age of twenty-seven but it's true. Three, they are now
owned by a Steelers fan!
SOUTH
TEXANS – 12-4. Remember a few years
back when the AFC South was one of the best divisions in football.
Look at them now. The Texans can walk into a playoff spot thanks to
the three absolutely terrible teams they get to play twice a season.
I don't even think this team is that good but when you get damn near
six games off in a seventeen week season you don't have to do that
much.
TITANS – 8-8. Second because there
has to be a second place and for no other reason. I'm not sold on
Locker as a QB, on Chris Johnson being anything other than a couple
year flash in the pan and on Mike Munchak as a successful head coach.
Too many question marks to make them look like anything but an
ordinary team.
COLTS – 6-10. The good news, Andrew
Luck looks incredible. The bad news, the rest of the 53 man roster
looks pathetic and I see no evidence that Chuck Pagano can coach them
up.
JAGUARS – 4-12. The metaphorical
train that new owner Khan keeps referring to is literally headed for
Los Angeles in 2015.
WEST
BRONCOS – 12-4. If a team with Tim
Tebow at the helm can not only make the playoffs but beat the
Steelers than that nearly same team with Manning at the controls is a
shoe-in for the number two seed in the post-season. This team goes
far.
RAIDERS – 10-6. I'm predicting a rock
solid year for Oakland. This team is fast, tough and under new coach
and late night talk show pioneer Steve (make that Dennis) Allen,
hopefully, a little more disciplined. Plus they get to play against
Norv Turner and Romeo Crennel twice a year and that never hurt
anybody.
CHIEFS – 9-7. Solid talent with poor
coaching always equals a below average team. I'm predicting a number
of losses in close games. That's indicative of two things, poor
adjustments (coaching) and poor conditioning (also coaching). Lucky
for Romeo, he's not the worst coach in the West.
CHARGERS – 7-9. Good bye, Norv and
good luck at whatever other occupation you dedicate your mediocre
talents too. Thanks for wasting Rivers best years with your terrible
influence.
NFC
EAST
EAGLES – 12-4. A great regular season
followed by a poor showing in the playoffs. So basically a repeat of
almost every year Andy Reid has been the coach there. But he'll lose
his job after this one. Oh, and as an added bonus the new coach in
2013 won't know what the hell to do with Mike Vick, eventually making
him the most expensive backup in the history of the NFL.
GIANTS – 10-6. They'll do just enough
to get a wild card seed and then dominate in the playoffs. Loaded D,
great coaching, excellent QB play, basically stacked from top to
bottom. The NY Giants have a real chance to repeat this year.
COWBOYS – 9-7. Ordinary.
Unexceptional. Lifeless. Basically, Jason Garrett in a nutshell.
REDSKINS – 7-9. RGIII is bona fide.
Mike Shannahan was an excellent coach a one point in his life, their
D is stout but I just don't see a lot of play makers on the edges.
They'll be a tough opponent but ultimately a below average team when
all is said and done.
NORTH
LIONS – 13-3. I could be out of my
mind but this team reminds me of the Dallas Cowboys of the early
90's. Lots of swagger. Big time play makers. A dominate d-line. A
hothead coach with a big chip on his shoulder. Checks all the boxes.
I'm not 100% on this but I feel pretty strongly about it. I say they
become everyone's bandwagon pick by about week 9 but then blow it in
the playoffs. Look out for them in 2013.
BEARS - 10-6. I still don't know what
to make of Jay Cutler, Lovie Smith or Brian Urlacher. When you've
got question marks about your three most basic pillars of a team then
you just aren't a truly great team. I do look forward to the crazy
of Brandon Marshall.
PACKERS – 10-6. Lot's of O and not
enough D. Not nearly enough D. They will have big big trouble
against equally prolific offenses.
VIKINGS – 5-11. No one comes back the
same from an ACL injury. Not even someone as gifted a Adrian
Peterson so that really only leaves a spotty Christian Ponder and the
plodding Toby Gerhart as the offensive bright spot for the Vikes.
Their D may keep them in some games but they just don't have the
horses to compete week to week.
SOUTH
FALCONS – 14-2. Loaded. Just
absolutely stacked on offense. I don't see anyone keeping them out of
the end zone on a regular basis. So then it comes to the question –
Is Mike Smith a good coach or is he Mike Tice 2.0. I'm leaning
toward MT2.0 but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
SAINTS – 9-7. They must of had the
worst possible off season in the history of all of professional
sports but they are still a incredibly talented team. If they had a
real head coach and a little less drama they'd be the odds on
favorite for the Super Bowl. But they don't.
PANTHERS – 7-9. I'm still not sold on
Cam Newton and I'm probably one of the last hold outs. Besides being
really really big he just doesn't look like the kind of quarterbacks
that consistently succeed in the league. He may put up big numbers
but so did Jeff George. Throwing a great long ball will only get you
so far. I predict the better D-Coordinators figure him out this year
and a sophomore slump turns into an eventual career trend. Also, Ron
Rivera is still their HC. Never a good sign.
BUCS – 2-14. I have little to no
opinion of this team. I want to like Josh Freeman but I'm completely
unconvinced that he will make it as a big-time starter. It looks
like Schiano's a no-nonsense coach that's going to clean house and
that means at least one pretty terrible season maybe next years as
well.
WEST
49ERS – 13-3. It always helps to have
three terrible teams on your schedule twice a year. To be fair I do
think the Niners are a rock solid team. I'm still not convinced that
Alex Smith is able to make the big plays down the stretch but they
have put the talent around him to at least give him a chance. Throw
in an outstanding D, a strong running game and smart coaching and
you've got a possible Super Bowl squad. Possible but not likely.
RAMS – 7-9. The following three picks
are in order of Head Coaching Ability and QB talent. I know those
shouldn't be the only reasons to pick teams but hey, these aren't the
best teams. Jeff Fisher is a marginally better coach than Ken
Whisenhunt and he's ten times the coach Pete Carroll is. On top of
that both the Cards and Seahawks would kill to have the fragile Sam
Bradford on their depth chart. So it's the Rams by default in a
terrible, awful, ugly division.
SEAHAWKS – 6-10. Good Bye, Peter Clay
Carroll and good luck at your upcoming mid-level D-1 football job.
I'd recommend the Sun Belt conference, low academic standards, close
to big time SEC schools and they'll probably look the other way on
your repeated recruiting violations. I am looking forward to Russell
Wilson putting on his Flutie mullet and doing a passable
impersonation of the Natick Night Train (I just made that nickname
up) for the better part of the season.
CARDINALS – 4-12. I love how all the
sports outlets have reported on the QB “battle” going on in
Arizona between Skelton and Kolb. It's not a battle it's a game of
hot potato. “You take it. No, you take it. No, it's yours I insist.
No, no this ones all you.” These guys can't get out of their own
way. It's almost seems impossible the Cards were in the Super Bowl
just a few years ago.
SUPER BOWL – RAVENS v. FALCONS.
Ravens win it (probably by cheating).
Tonight's game - GIANTS -4 over Cowboys