NFL PREVIEW - YOU'RE WELCOME

The 2012 NFL Season begins in just 8 hours as a begin to write this, which I'd like to think makes my NFL Preview article the most last minute of them all. Not having an editor on my ass or getting paid to write these may have something to do with it but also, to be fair, I have been really busy laying pool side in Palm Springs. So, with time time crunch as an issue, here we go.

AFC

EAST

PATRIOTS – 14-2. Yet another year with a total patsy schedule for the NFL's Golden Boy. Is David Stern running the league now? I say they wind up with a number one spot then lose in the second round to a team that had to actually prove themselves during the season.

 

BILLS – 10-6. Buffalo fans welcome to a wild card spot and a loss in the first round! Remember what it feels like to be a relevant team?  You're back!  You've got play makers at wide receiver and running back, you've got a pass rush, your QB is spotty but he can lead you to a very respectable season. Chan Gailey might even be a solid coach... okay, let's not go crazy.

 

JETS – 6-10 at best. This team is horrible. Hard to win games when you can't score points. Sexy Rexy's last season as an HC for a while. Also, Mark Sanchez punches Tim Tebow in the face at some point during the season. Tebow turns the other cheek. Conservative Christians everywhere pee their collective pants over the story.

DOLPHINS – 3-13. Hard Knocks is an amazing show. I really hope they give a 13 episode show to the Dolphins coaching staff. It doesn't even have to involve the football season. I'd love to see Joe Philbin sending food back at a restaurant. “It's nothing you did, it's just not working out for the both of us.” Also, the meathead TE's coach, Dan Campbell, is a comedic genius, only he's not trying to be funny. On the plus side Ryan Tannehill will be a very good QB eventually.

NORTH
RAVENS – 11-5. I have nothing to say about these thugs other than I bet they beat puppies.

STEELERS – 11-5. Aging. Slowly but surely letting a great O's potential get eclipsed by a D that no longer has the horses. As a fan, it's hard to watch.

BENGALS – 9-7. A team on the come. As I predicted last year, the Red Rocket is a real deal NFL QB. Not flashy, not a guy with a giant arm but smart, efficient and crafty enough to make all the right throws. Like a Ginger Joe Montana. I'm not saying he'll have that kind of career but I am saying he sure looks like the same kind of talent.

BROWNS – 5-11. I feel for Cleveland fans. For one, they are apparently unaware that they can move away from Cleveland. And two, the Browns used to be a cornerstone franchise in the league. I know that's hard to believe for anyone under the age of twenty-seven but it's true. Three, they are now owned by a Steelers fan!

SOUTH

TEXANS – 12-4. Remember a few years back when the AFC South was one of the best divisions in football. Look at them now. The Texans can walk into a playoff spot thanks to the three absolutely terrible teams they get to play twice a season. I don't even think this team is that good but when you get damn near six games off in a seventeen week season you don't have to do that much.

TITANS – 8-8. Second because there has to be a second place and for no other reason. I'm not sold on Locker as a QB, on Chris Johnson being anything other than a couple year flash in the pan and on Mike Munchak as a successful head coach. Too many question marks to make them look like anything but an ordinary team.

 

COLTS – 6-10. The good news, Andrew Luck looks incredible. The bad news, the rest of the 53 man roster looks pathetic and I see no evidence that Chuck Pagano can coach them up.

JAGUARS – 4-12. The metaphorical train that new owner Khan keeps referring to is literally headed for Los Angeles in 2015.

WEST

BRONCOS – 12-4. If a team with Tim Tebow at the helm can not only make the playoffs but beat the Steelers than that nearly same team with Manning at the controls is a shoe-in for the number two seed in the post-season. This team goes far.

RAIDERS – 10-6. I'm predicting a rock solid year for Oakland. This team is fast, tough and under new coach and late night talk show pioneer Steve (make that Dennis) Allen, hopefully, a little more disciplined. Plus they get to play against Norv Turner and Romeo Crennel twice a year and that never hurt anybody.

CHIEFS – 9-7. Solid talent with poor coaching always equals a below average team. I'm predicting a number of losses in close games. That's indicative of two things, poor adjustments (coaching) and poor conditioning (also coaching). Lucky for Romeo, he's not the worst coach in the West.

CHARGERS – 7-9. Good bye, Norv and good luck at whatever other occupation you dedicate your mediocre talents too. Thanks for wasting Rivers best years with your terrible influence.

NFC

EAST

EAGLES – 12-4. A great regular season followed by a poor showing in the playoffs. So basically a repeat of almost every year Andy Reid has been the coach there. But he'll lose his job after this one. Oh, and as an added bonus the new coach in 2013 won't know what the hell to do with Mike Vick, eventually making him the most expensive backup in the history of the NFL.

GIANTS – 10-6. They'll do just enough to get a wild card seed and then dominate in the playoffs. Loaded D, great coaching, excellent QB play, basically stacked from top to bottom. The NY Giants have a real chance to repeat this year.

COWBOYS – 9-7. Ordinary. Unexceptional. Lifeless. Basically, Jason Garrett in a nutshell.

REDSKINS – 7-9. RGIII is bona fide. Mike Shannahan was an excellent coach a one point in his life, their D is stout but I just don't see a lot of play makers on the edges. They'll be a tough opponent but ultimately a below average team when all is said and done.

NORTH

LIONS – 13-3. I could be out of my mind but this team reminds me of the Dallas Cowboys of the early 90's. Lots of swagger. Big time play makers. A dominate d-line. A hothead coach with a big chip on his shoulder. Checks all the boxes. I'm not 100% on this but I feel pretty strongly about it. I say they become everyone's bandwagon pick by about week 9 but then blow it in the playoffs. Look out for them in 2013.

BEARS - 10-6. I still don't know what to make of Jay Cutler, Lovie Smith or Brian Urlacher. When you've got question marks about your three most basic pillars of a team then you just aren't a truly great team. I do look forward to the crazy of Brandon Marshall.

PACKERS – 10-6. Lot's of O and not enough D. Not nearly enough D. They will have big big trouble against equally prolific offenses.

VIKINGS – 5-11. No one comes back the same from an ACL injury. Not even someone as gifted a Adrian Peterson so that really only leaves a spotty Christian Ponder and the plodding Toby Gerhart as the offensive bright spot for the Vikes. Their D may keep them in some games but they just don't have the horses to compete week to week.

SOUTH

FALCONS – 14-2. Loaded. Just absolutely stacked on offense. I don't see anyone keeping them out of the end zone on a regular basis. So then it comes to the question – Is Mike Smith a good coach or is he Mike Tice 2.0. I'm leaning toward MT2.0 but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

SAINTS – 9-7. They must of had the worst possible off season in the history of all of professional sports but they are still a incredibly talented team. If they had a real head coach and a little less drama they'd be the odds on favorite for the Super Bowl. But they don't.

PANTHERS – 7-9. I'm still not sold on Cam Newton and I'm probably one of the last hold outs. Besides being really really big he just doesn't look like the kind of quarterbacks that consistently succeed in the league. He may put up big numbers but so did Jeff George. Throwing a great long ball will only get you so far. I predict the better D-Coordinators figure him out this year and a sophomore slump turns into an eventual career trend. Also, Ron Rivera is still their HC. Never a good sign.

BUCS – 2-14. I have little to no opinion of this team. I want to like Josh Freeman but I'm completely unconvinced that he will make it as a big-time starter. It looks like Schiano's a no-nonsense coach that's going to clean house and that means at least one pretty terrible season maybe next years as well.

WEST

49ERS – 13-3. It always helps to have three terrible teams on your schedule twice a year. To be fair I do think the Niners are a rock solid team. I'm still not convinced that Alex Smith is able to make the big plays down the stretch but they have put the talent around him to at least give him a chance. Throw in an outstanding D, a strong running game and smart coaching and you've got a possible Super Bowl squad. Possible but not likely.

RAMS – 7-9. The following three picks are in order of Head Coaching Ability and QB talent. I know those shouldn't be the only reasons to pick teams but hey, these aren't the best teams. Jeff Fisher is a marginally better coach than Ken Whisenhunt and he's ten times the coach Pete Carroll is. On top of that both the Cards and Seahawks would kill to have the fragile Sam Bradford on their depth chart. So it's the Rams by default in a terrible, awful, ugly division.

SEAHAWKS – 6-10. Good Bye, Peter Clay Carroll and good luck at your upcoming mid-level D-1 football job. I'd recommend the Sun Belt conference, low academic standards, close to big time SEC schools and they'll probably look the other way on your repeated recruiting violations. I am looking forward to Russell Wilson putting on his Flutie mullet and doing a passable impersonation of the Natick Night Train (I just made that nickname up) for the better part of the season.

CARDINALS – 4-12. I love how all the sports outlets have reported on the QB “battle” going on in Arizona between Skelton and Kolb. It's not a battle it's a game of hot potato. “You take it. No, you take it. No, it's yours I insist. No, no this ones all you.” These guys can't get out of their own way. It's almost seems impossible the Cards were in the Super Bowl just a few years ago.

SUPER BOWL – RAVENS v. FALCONS. Ravens win it (probably by cheating).

 

Tonight's game - GIANTS -4 over Cowboys