Thursday, September 29, 2011

Chemo: The Reckoning

I got some pretty good news yesterday.  Yesterday was my bi-weekly trip to Cancer Care of Maine.  I met with my brilliant oncologist, Hans Gruber (last seen in 1988 at the Nakatomi Towers - Oh, I hope that's not a hostage) and once he was done negotiating the release of five members of the Asian Dawn movement he informed me that my Hodgkin's Lymphoma is greatly reduced.  My lymph glands are responding very strongly to the Chemo and if all goes well I'll only need two more months of infusions followed by radiation.  That would put me in the clear by New Years 2012!  I get the feeling Hans is way way smarter than me (and I'm wicked smaht, as we Mainers like to say).  Whenever I make some analogy as to how my body is doing or what the remaining months of treatment looks like he pauses, thinks to himself "if that's how your tiny brain needs to think of it" then he responds with a sympathetic "yeah, something like that." 

Honestly, the treatment I've received from every single person at Cancer Care of Maine and at EMMC when both myself and my Father were there is beyond remarkable.  Han's secretary, I'll call her Scheduler Extraordinaire! is one of the kindest women I've ever met plus she's a whiz with my weekly tests/treatments.  She can recite my schedule without ever having to check the computer and I'm certain I'm not their only patient.  The most charming one for sure but not the only one.  The Nurses in the blood draw and infusion center are a giant group of remarkable women.  They are knowledgeable, kind, friendly and all around fantastic.     

Now the bad news.  The Chemo is winning.  I'm not talking about in the fight against my Lymphoma.  That's a good thing.  The Chemo is winning in my battle to be side-effect free.  I had my infusion yesterday and started to feel lousy about twenty minutes after leaving the place.  It's hard to pin-point exactly what the feeling is but I'd say it's best described as if you woke up feeling this way you'd strongly consider calling in sick in an effort to nip whatever it may be in the bud.  You just feel off.  Kinda hinky.  Like the way people that only shop at the all-natural food store look.  As if they are about to come down with something or are just getting over something.  I don't know if that's how they feel but that's how they look like they feel.  Have some artificial preservatives already.  It may put some color in your chalky white features. 

I know there are some fools out there that don't believe in using sick days.  Like one day you'll be honored with a chance to give a grainy black and white speech at Yankee Stadium thanks to your dogged dedication to your job.  I am not one of those fools.  When I worked in corporate America (hell, when I worked delivering pizzas even) I never saw a sick day I didn't like.  Sniffles, hang nail, unusually warm out for late October, all reasons I took sick days at one time or another.  Every year HR gave a little speech about how sick days are not vacation days and you shouldn't use them as such.  Every year I used them any damn way I pleased.  And to think, they were actually sorry to see me go.  I guess they never put those world-class-hangover "I've got a real sore throat" phone calls together with schedules of sporting events from the previous night.

It looks like I'd be applying for long term sick leave at this point.  Not that I have a job.  Unless you consider entertaining all of you with witty and insightful postings a job.  I have made a whopping 66 bucks since this whole blog thing started.  If this were the turn of the last century and I was a rag-picker that'd be a pretty good days wage.  The salary may not be the best but being self-employed does have it's perks, I've got a great boss.  He's totally buying into this "I have cancer" scam that I'm running on him. 

 

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