I've always been a big idea kind of guy. As in I get these big ideas and then never follow up on them. I'm sure you know the type. Hell, if you know me then you know the type. Well, I've got another one of those big ideas and now I've got access to an audience of brilliant people (you're smart enough to be following my blog so I'd say you all qualify as brilliant) to bounce things off of. Maybe someone out there can actually put in the leg work (God knows I won't) to see this idea through. Okay, ready, here it comes.
A deck of cards with - wait for it - various terminal and/or non-terminal afflictions in place of the standard four color suits and numbers! Your aces would be something like - Cholera, Lung Cancer, maybe Full Blown Aids and... I don't know, how bout the Ebola Virus. From there the afflictions would slowly decrease in severity. I'm just spit-balling on these since I really don't know how bad various illnesses are but some of your face cards should probably be Colon Cancer, Diphtheria, Bubonic Plague, and is Small Pox still out there? I'll let somebody else work out the details on what's more deadly than the other but by now you should get the point - this is a sad fuckin deck of cards.
Now for the purpose. Obviously, you could play cards with these in some manner or another - you sick puppy - but the real reason behind this stroke of genius is so You can play Your Specific Card whenever and wherever you like. You've got Ebola? Carry that card around with you, anybody gives you grief about anything throw down your Ebola card! That'll set em straight and probably send em running for safety. Can't you envision the possibilities? That run of the mill handicapped placard hanging from your cars rear view mirror no longer gets scrutinized when it's followed up with a Diphtheria card on your dashboard. And don't give me any BS about not checking to see how messed up someone is or isn't when you see them parking in a handicapped spot. We all do it. Get off your high horse.
I came up with this Million Dollar Idea when I realized I needed a Cancer Card. I'm far too healthy looking (and devilishly handsome) for anyone without knowledge of my illness to assume that I've got cancer. I need to be able to throw down the Cancer Card whenever I want in order to get things my way. "I'm sorry, sir but we don't offer one hour dry-cleaning." "But, you see, I've got cancer." BOOM! There's the card! BOOM! There's the one hour dry-cleaning! You see how this works? Cancer or Diabetes or Heart Disease could finally wind up paying off in a big way!
I put it to you, my loyal audience, to make this happen. One of you must have the connections to the right people in the impossible to crack Playing Card Industry to see this through. Honestly, I've got no idea if there is such a thing as the Playing Card Industry. This could be as simple as a phone call to Bicycle Playing Cards. Hopefully one of you will take up this valiant quest and, of course, share fifty percent of the profits with me. I'd do it myself, but you see, I've got cancer. BOOM!
A deck of cards with - wait for it - various terminal and/or non-terminal afflictions in place of the standard four color suits and numbers! Your aces would be something like - Cholera, Lung Cancer, maybe Full Blown Aids and... I don't know, how bout the Ebola Virus. From there the afflictions would slowly decrease in severity. I'm just spit-balling on these since I really don't know how bad various illnesses are but some of your face cards should probably be Colon Cancer, Diphtheria, Bubonic Plague, and is Small Pox still out there? I'll let somebody else work out the details on what's more deadly than the other but by now you should get the point - this is a sad fuckin deck of cards.
Now for the purpose. Obviously, you could play cards with these in some manner or another - you sick puppy - but the real reason behind this stroke of genius is so You can play Your Specific Card whenever and wherever you like. You've got Ebola? Carry that card around with you, anybody gives you grief about anything throw down your Ebola card! That'll set em straight and probably send em running for safety. Can't you envision the possibilities? That run of the mill handicapped placard hanging from your cars rear view mirror no longer gets scrutinized when it's followed up with a Diphtheria card on your dashboard. And don't give me any BS about not checking to see how messed up someone is or isn't when you see them parking in a handicapped spot. We all do it. Get off your high horse.
I came up with this Million Dollar Idea when I realized I needed a Cancer Card. I'm far too healthy looking (and devilishly handsome) for anyone without knowledge of my illness to assume that I've got cancer. I need to be able to throw down the Cancer Card whenever I want in order to get things my way. "I'm sorry, sir but we don't offer one hour dry-cleaning." "But, you see, I've got cancer." BOOM! There's the card! BOOM! There's the one hour dry-cleaning! You see how this works? Cancer or Diabetes or Heart Disease could finally wind up paying off in a big way!
I put it to you, my loyal audience, to make this happen. One of you must have the connections to the right people in the impossible to crack Playing Card Industry to see this through. Honestly, I've got no idea if there is such a thing as the Playing Card Industry. This could be as simple as a phone call to Bicycle Playing Cards. Hopefully one of you will take up this valiant quest and, of course, share fifty percent of the profits with me. I'd do it myself, but you see, I've got cancer. BOOM!
Is there a douchebag card you could play? Maybe it could be the joker.
ReplyDeleteGood call, so someone without any health issues could buy the deck and throw down the card whenever faced with a choice of being a good and decent human being or a world class d-bag. Love it. We'll add that to the deck.
ReplyDelete