I've never been very good with the whole calorie counting/calorie burning thing. I've both read about and been told exactly how many calories I'm supposed to be consuming/burning in a given day to lose/maintain weight and yet I never retained that information any longer than it takes for me to sit down at my next grease filled delicious meal. I know I've hit on my weight a number of times on this blog but trust me this is not another "I'm getting fatter" post. Quite the opposite. Last night, for the first time since June, I made my triumphant return to Punching Things!
There are few things in life as satisfying as delivering a perfect punch. I'm sure some sissy's are reading this and arguing - the birth of my child or when I first met my husband/wife or a beautiful sunset - to that I say stuff it. I'm sure all those moments were lovely but you know what would have made them even lovelier? If a dude holding Focus Mitts shouted out a four punch combo, you spun around from the umbilical cord cutting, set yourself, and absolutely nailed it. Take that new baby! I just ate your lunch!
As a matter of fact, on the list of fun but completely useless shit I plan to blow my money on once I've got a lot of it, a dude that follows me around with focus mitts for big occasions is high on it. Sign a three picture deal - double jab-right-hook! Film opening - lead right- hook- uppercuts-uppercuts! Win an Oscar - jab-hook off the jab-right cross-front kick-knees!
As I was saying, I don't know exactly how to figure total calories burned last night with my first workout in six months but I'd guess it was around 16,800. I've got no way of explaining to you how I arrived at that number other than it just sounds right. If my Mother and Sister had their way I would have spent my first official workout briskly walking. I keep telling them That Is Not a Workout! If I was a senior citizen, working on my third hip replacement, perhaps then a brisk walk would be acceptable. Perhaps. Walking has always struck me as the workout of choice for the unfit. Just like spending time in a sauna. Sure it's relaxing and it feels good to get a sweat on but the only people using a sauna as a form of weight loss are the fat. You know what you never see? Fit people leaving a sauna talking about how much weight they lost in the last twenty minutes. That's a conversation strictly reserved for us fatties.
I'm very happy with my return to punching things. Everything looks a lot sunnier when you know that in a few hours you'll be back at the gym laying down the leather. I already feel like I'm healthier than I was on Sunday, when I was still in my not-punching-things mode. I'm sore all over and it's the best feeling I've had in a long long time. Where's my dude with the focus mitts calling out combos when I need him?
There are few things in life as satisfying as delivering a perfect punch. I'm sure some sissy's are reading this and arguing - the birth of my child or when I first met my husband/wife or a beautiful sunset - to that I say stuff it. I'm sure all those moments were lovely but you know what would have made them even lovelier? If a dude holding Focus Mitts shouted out a four punch combo, you spun around from the umbilical cord cutting, set yourself, and absolutely nailed it. Take that new baby! I just ate your lunch!
As a matter of fact, on the list of fun but completely useless shit I plan to blow my money on once I've got a lot of it, a dude that follows me around with focus mitts for big occasions is high on it. Sign a three picture deal - double jab-right-hook! Film opening - lead right- hook- uppercuts-uppercuts! Win an Oscar - jab-hook off the jab-right cross-front kick-knees!
As I was saying, I don't know exactly how to figure total calories burned last night with my first workout in six months but I'd guess it was around 16,800. I've got no way of explaining to you how I arrived at that number other than it just sounds right. If my Mother and Sister had their way I would have spent my first official workout briskly walking. I keep telling them That Is Not a Workout! If I was a senior citizen, working on my third hip replacement, perhaps then a brisk walk would be acceptable. Perhaps. Walking has always struck me as the workout of choice for the unfit. Just like spending time in a sauna. Sure it's relaxing and it feels good to get a sweat on but the only people using a sauna as a form of weight loss are the fat. You know what you never see? Fit people leaving a sauna talking about how much weight they lost in the last twenty minutes. That's a conversation strictly reserved for us fatties.
I'm very happy with my return to punching things. Everything looks a lot sunnier when you know that in a few hours you'll be back at the gym laying down the leather. I already feel like I'm healthier than I was on Sunday, when I was still in my not-punching-things mode. I'm sore all over and it's the best feeling I've had in a long long time. Where's my dude with the focus mitts calling out combos when I need him?
No comments:
Post a Comment