I have gone into the marketing business. Well, technically, I'm still unemployed but I am now advertising this site. Not just an ad but a whole ad campaign. I've got three types of flyers! Each with a catchy saying more clever than the last. They are, in no particular order, Making Cancer My Bitch Since 2011 (my Mom's least favorite, she doesn't care for curse words. That's why she stayed married to a man that talked like a longshoreman for 45 years), Hodgkin's Never Looked So Good and The Sexiest Chemo Patient You've Ever Seen. If you are reading this blog after seeing one of those three flyers at Starbucks in Waterville or Bangor, Colby College, UMaine, UMaine Farmington or Husson then my advertising worked! Please continue to frequent the blog and to you Husson students - stop moving your lips while you read this. I'm kidding of course, I don't expect anyone from Husson to follow this blog. It doesn't come with enough pictures. As it happens when my Dad was on the verge of passing away he wanted to donate his body to science. Since it was kind of last minute notice the only place we could find that had space was Husson College (I won't call it a university because I can still remember when JobCore was there). My Dad declined because he didn't want his body going to a safety school.
I will be papering the towns I hit along the way home in an effort to build an audience and possibly start making a meager living off writing stuff down. To those of you that thought I'd be ending this blog now that the whole cancer thing is over the jokes on you. I've got loads of brilliant ideas, only about half of them crazy, and now I've got a sounding board for em. Don't get me wrong, as soon as my writing partner and I are fortunate enough to sell a screenplay I'll abandon this blog... as well as my non-famous friends. It's not that I want to but it's clear that I have to. I don't know of a single celebrity with a blog. I'll go on twitter like the rest of those idiots and start predicting an athlete's premature retirement, complain about how tough my remarkably cushy life is and say moronic things about "haters." I'm already on twitter but I don't get the point of it. I feel like I'll understand it better once I've got handler to explain it to me and then post all my tweets for me. Other wise I've got to run to my computer every time I think of something clever or topical or topically clever. I'd say that I could also put them in charge of blog posts but what's the likelihood that those Yes Men can come up with the hysterical banter that I bring to the table on a near daily basis? Plus I haven't even begun to truly sell out with Top Ten Lists and Product Reviews. All conveniently available through a link to amazon.com that I happily provide. You think I'm kidding, just wait. Until that time comes, with any luck the good people in Jersey, Ohio, Oklahoma, Colorado, Wyoming, Nevada and California (as well as all of you from all around the US and the globe that are already reading this blog) will find my flyer's, log on, feel sorry for me, become a Follower (so you can get thrilling up to the minute blog updates) and finally feel compelled to sign up for one of the ITT ads that are always on this site. Husson kids, ITT may be the place for you. From what I hear, they accept applications written in crayon.
I will be papering the towns I hit along the way home in an effort to build an audience and possibly start making a meager living off writing stuff down. To those of you that thought I'd be ending this blog now that the whole cancer thing is over the jokes on you. I've got loads of brilliant ideas, only about half of them crazy, and now I've got a sounding board for em. Don't get me wrong, as soon as my writing partner and I are fortunate enough to sell a screenplay I'll abandon this blog... as well as my non-famous friends. It's not that I want to but it's clear that I have to. I don't know of a single celebrity with a blog. I'll go on twitter like the rest of those idiots and start predicting an athlete's premature retirement, complain about how tough my remarkably cushy life is and say moronic things about "haters." I'm already on twitter but I don't get the point of it. I feel like I'll understand it better once I've got handler to explain it to me and then post all my tweets for me. Other wise I've got to run to my computer every time I think of something clever or topical or topically clever. I'd say that I could also put them in charge of blog posts but what's the likelihood that those Yes Men can come up with the hysterical banter that I bring to the table on a near daily basis? Plus I haven't even begun to truly sell out with Top Ten Lists and Product Reviews. All conveniently available through a link to amazon.com that I happily provide. You think I'm kidding, just wait. Until that time comes, with any luck the good people in Jersey, Ohio, Oklahoma, Colorado, Wyoming, Nevada and California (as well as all of you from all around the US and the globe that are already reading this blog) will find my flyer's, log on, feel sorry for me, become a Follower (so you can get thrilling up to the minute blog updates) and finally feel compelled to sign up for one of the ITT ads that are always on this site. Husson kids, ITT may be the place for you. From what I hear, they accept applications written in crayon.
No comments:
Post a Comment