DIY Matchmaking

Having been in a committed, loving relationship for three years and counting it is not often that I find myself thinking “damn, this is a great place to meet girls.” As a matter of fact, it's probably been three years and counting since I've had that thought – I swear, Darlin. A few days ago that exact thought passed through my brain and I feel compelled to share it with all my devoted, single male readers. All eleven of you. Are you ready to have your mind blown? You can thank me for this early Christmas present after you've found your new girlfriend at this completely untapped babe hang-out.

Two words, one of them hyphenated. So, maybe it's three words. I don't know. I'm no English major but if you've been a regular reader you already know that. Okay, okay, two and a half words - Jo-Ann's Fabrics. FUCKIN BOOM! Did I just blow your mind? Cause it blew my mind when it happened to me. Jo-Ann's Freakin Fabrics. It is a hot bed of hot ladies. And every one of them is tickled pink to see a masculine fella shopping for bolts. You'd get less attention if you walked into an empty peeler club during the day shift with a wad of hundos. I was immediately under a barrage of women that wanted to know if I needed any help – almost none of them were actual employees of Jo-Ann's. What was I looking for? What did I need? Yeah, sure, it was my fabric needs and my color choice wants that they were so interested in attending to. After I informed them that I was trying to figure out how to darken the curtains in my bedroom so my Lovely Girlfriend and I could sleep in on the weekends they relented on the full court press for male attention but not before one of them threw herself to my feet and exclaimed “She can't give you the carnal pleasures that I can.” Alright, that last moment may not have actually happened. They all then commented on how sweet I was, what a wonderful boyfriend I must be and that I was probably a kind and generous lover. Okay, again, the last of those statements didn't occur. But in all seriousness, my mere presence in this fabric store was like cat-nip to these girls. They wanted to know every aspect of my proposed project plans for the bedroom curtains as well as everything about the LG and I's relationship. Either I came across a clandestine meeting of a lonely hearts club or fabric stores are some kind of magical doorway to available attractive women in the Los Angeles area.

Here's where an asterisk comes. Is Jo-Ann's Fabrics a great place to meet girls anywhere in the country or is this one of those Los Angeles phenomenons, like how a Ten from the Heartlands becomes a Six at the Nightclub because everyone here is ridiculously good looking? Are there attractive single women making their own clothes all across this country or is it just a LA thing? I don't know. I could not tell you if and when I was in a fabric store prior to last Thursday. My money would be on this being an Southern California Exception. I would expect most arts and craft stores to be filled with crazy cat ladies and women with large collection of Cabbage Patch Kids that they treat them like real children. So, if you are a male reader anywhere else in the country this post probably doesn't help you. If you are single, male and in LA (I think I've narrowed this post audience down to about three now) you need to stop by Jo-Ann's on Lincoln Blvd in Santa Monica. You don't even need to be in the market for any of that squirrelly arts and crafts nonsense just make sure you've got a good story about what you want, what you need and what you're looking for. I'm sure an available lady will be more than happy to help you with the rest.