Mad Man

I have recently come into the employ of an advertising agency. I have no experience in this field but being a huge fan of the show Mad Men I figured I'd know exactly how to handle my first day at work. I started by sexual harassing the secretary. That's what she called it anyway. I would call it banter between a red-blooded male and a dollfaced dame. After filling out some kind of "first and final warning" paperwork I went to pour myself a double bourbon. Would you believe they have a no drinking at work policy in this office! How am I supposed to sell cereal to housewives if I can't pickle myself during a brainstorming session? Fine, I figured, I'll smoke instead. Nobody ever got tipsy on the soothing tar of Chesterfields. Last I checked, nicotine stimulates the T-Zone, just what I need for a creative breakthrough. When I lit up... you would have thought I'd shot bambi. I'm aware of the no smoking ban throughout most of America but I never thought it extended into the world of advertising. How am I to go all Don Draper on a slogan without a cigarette? The next thing you know they'll be asking me to treat women and minorities as equals! I'm fine with that in the outside world but this is Advertising! I did not go out and buy a skinny tie and a bucket of brillcream so I could treat everyone equally! What kind of bullshit is that!?

I tried to explain to everyone that I needed to behave this way in an effort to stimulate my creative juices. They didn't believe me. Instead they insisted that I was only using it as an excuse to behave like a world class mysoginist. They may have been on to something. We eventually worked it all out. After some intense negotiation we settled on me getting paid like it was 1961.