In case you hadn't noticed and by the lack of website attendance it looks
like you hadn't (thanks, Bob Ueker) I shut it down about three weeks ago. It
was a brief self-induced hiatus. In the weeks leading up to my first of what
I'm sure will be many post treatment check-ups I became convinced that I was
going to jinx myself by bragging all about kicking cancer's scrawny ass. I'm
not a superstitious person. Far from it. One of my favorite all time phrases is
"People say you should not tempt fate, I say fate should not tempt me."
Hubris. It's one of my strongest qualities. Bravado aside, I became convinced
that I would wind up sitting in my Oncologists office, days after the CT Scan
and hearing I had to go through all of this fucking nonsense again. The next
logical step, of course, was to convince myself that if I just stopped writing
about it then that moment wouldn't happen. I recognize exactly how ridiculous
this line of thinking is. Writing can't give you cancer, if that was the case
then we would all have been spared the Twilight series.
So I shut it down. Not knowing what to say online or even what to say to the Lovely Girlfriend or anyone else when they asked why no posts lately. Why no posts? Because I'm convinced God will smite me. Doesn't sound like a terribly reasonable response. How would they handle hearing that? Sure, in Biblical times you heard about people getting smitten left and right. It was probably a common conversation around the watering hole.
"Did you hear about Jedediah?"
"Heard he got fired by Caesar."
"Word is it was a smiting. God got all up in there."
"Smote?"
"Smote."
"Shit."
No, far better to keep my crazy to myself. At least until the coast is clear. Last week, I got the three month all clear I was hoping for. No one even mentioned that my neck appeared to be covered in ligature marks from the near constant self examinations I was giving my lymph glands. I realized a few days after the round of visits that I hadn't checked my neck a single time since. As I see it, I've got a solid two and a half months of braggadocio before I start freaking out again. I'm alright with that. I couple weeks of feeling humble and recognizing how little control we all have over our lives never hurt anybody.
But for now... Take that Cancer. I kicked your fucking ass!
So I shut it down. Not knowing what to say online or even what to say to the Lovely Girlfriend or anyone else when they asked why no posts lately. Why no posts? Because I'm convinced God will smite me. Doesn't sound like a terribly reasonable response. How would they handle hearing that? Sure, in Biblical times you heard about people getting smitten left and right. It was probably a common conversation around the watering hole.
"Did you hear about Jedediah?"
"Heard he got fired by Caesar."
"Word is it was a smiting. God got all up in there."
"Smote?"
"Smote."
"Shit."
No, far better to keep my crazy to myself. At least until the coast is clear. Last week, I got the three month all clear I was hoping for. No one even mentioned that my neck appeared to be covered in ligature marks from the near constant self examinations I was giving my lymph glands. I realized a few days after the round of visits that I hadn't checked my neck a single time since. As I see it, I've got a solid two and a half months of braggadocio before I start freaking out again. I'm alright with that. I couple weeks of feeling humble and recognizing how little control we all have over our lives never hurt anybody.
But for now... Take that Cancer. I kicked your fucking ass!
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