Thursday, October 20, 2011

24 Hour Lymphoma Party People!

A buddy of mine (we'll call him Erin Go Bragh) sent me an article a while back about breakthroughs in Cancer research and treatment.  Apparently new reseach shows that the drug Ecstasy may be helpful in the treatment of White Blood Cancer Cells.  I'm not sure if Erin Go Bragh sent me this because of the type of cancer I have or because he knows I like to party but either way I was thrilled!

According to the research, the way it works is Lymphoma and Leukaemia patients start out by dressing up as Rave-people.  Scientists say the more androgynous the outfits the better.  They take X and head to an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the bad part of the city.  Scientists are trying to determine if how bad the city is effects the results.  For example, is a Leukaemia sufferer in Baltimore (where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting an abandoned warehouse) more likely to respond to the treatment then a Leukaemia sufferer in Boca Raton, where there are no bad neighborhoods, only lily-white old people?  They've had trouble making this determination due to the complete and total lack of abandoned warehouses in these neighborhoods.  Researchers say the next and last step may be the most crucial to the healing process.  The cancer patients must then wave glowsticks around while dancing to German Electronica.  I know it sounds crazy but it's totally true.

The results of this new, highly controversial, treatment is that the White Blood Cancer Cells become so annoyed by the whole thing they actually kill themselves off rather then put up with it.  Who can blame them,
really?  It doesn't happen immediately, mind you, this is a long and painful process for those willing to put themselves through it.  The longer the test subjects danced and ran their hands over each other while talking about how Amazing they felt the better the results.  The patients that managed to Danced Til Dawn had the most favorable results.  While those that didn't pace themselves properly and ended up puking in the Ladies Room while a fellow cancer sufferer held their hair back were forced to undergo a second procedure with the reminder to not act like a rookie next time around.

Scientists have reported that the most difficult aspect of this study has been getting potential test subjects to agree to undergo the treatments.  Many candidates for treatment have decided that they would rather let the cancer take them then endure a single night at a Rave. 

I've attached the article for everyone to read and to pass on to your Senator, Congressman or woman (probably Man, let's not get crazy here), Governor, or whoever else people like to send angry letters to.

http://www.businessinsider.com/illegal-drug-ecstasy-may-possibly-be-the-new-cure-for-cancer-2011-8

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