Not Supposed to Breakdown

I am a life long Van Morrison fan.  In that always dumb scenario of what music would you bring with you when stuck on a deserted island Van Morrison tops the list.  I think Van is as close as we have come in modern times to the kind of musical genius that Mozart is typically credited with.  Granted, besides being able to play about five chords on a guitar I know nothing about music so I could be out of my depths on that opinion.  I tell you this because Van's got a song that's been running through my head a lot lately, Not Supposed to Breakdown, hopefully this link woks to get you to it -

We've had a couple of breakdowns over the last week in the Cancer Family Home.  It's understandable given all that's going on.  I won't go into all of them just the one that struck me as the funniest.  My Lovely Girlfriend and I had what could probably be described as our worst fight ever - if it had happened face to face.  Even if the All-Day-Freaking-Long fight had happened by phone it would have been one for the record books.  But no, this fight took place via text messages.  Which lands it squarely in the lead for our Silliest Fight Ever.  The subject matter was serious enough - being taken for granted - but the pre-teen manner in which we argued it was beyond ludicrous.  Since I couldn't get my Lovely Girlfriend to pick up the phone I was forced to let her know I was yelling at her BY TYPING IN ALL CAPS.  As if she would expect a message like "fine, fuck you then" to be followed by a smiley face emoticon and an LOL.  Amazingly, My Lovely Girlfriend did send me some frowny face symbols during this text memory filling argument.  Because I would not have otherwise understood the tone of "I guess this relationship isn't a priority for you."  The frowny face was what kept me from thinking it was a punchline.   

I know I've touched on this before but I hate those stupid text symbols.  I don't mind the silly things when sent to me by my Lovely Girlfriend as the tag to a flirty message.  It's when I get some kind of semi-colon/parenthesise symbol from a dude I'm friends with that I die a little inside.  Ask yourself, does Clint Eastwood LOL?  Would he associate with those that do?  I say no.  I once stopped hanging out with a guy because he cried during a double date viewing of Titanic.  Any of you "men" out there that put those annoying symbols on your text or emails should consider this before sending that nonsense to me. 

Back to the amazing song by Van Morrison.  Few of us out there revel in grief.  Most of us work extremely hard to avoid the great breakdown.  For me, I write.  This blog is my vain attempt at staying sane during an insane time.  For my Lovely Girlfriend she works.  Constantly.  I'm not kidding.  I don't think she's taken a day off since I first got diagnosed two and a half months ago.  So we had our breakdown.  Because I'd been writing about how I feel and she'd been working through how she feels.  Neither of us had bothered to actually talk that much to each other about how we feel.  At opposite ends of the country and with our chances to see each other during all this limited severely we try to keep our phone conversations as upbeat as possible.  It seemed like a good plan at the time but, honestly, we were fooling ourselves.  I thought she was a-okay and she thought I understood all that she was feeling but not saying.  We could not have been more wrong.

Thankfully, we both have very short memories.  Thankfully, we both can laugh at ourselves.  And most importantly, thankfully, we both understand that it is far better to fix whatever problem we are having than to be the one that is right.  Take that, all you women that told me I was incapable of emotional growth! 

For the record, I was the one that was right.  Kidding, kidding.  I'm just the one that has the blog so I get the last word.  With that last word I will say this - I'm sorry, Darlin and I love you very much.

Here's a little more Van to play us out -