I've never been a big fan of Halloween. I can remember a couple of Big Deal costumes that I got to wear as a kid. I was Superman once. That was a big deal. My recollection is that the bright blue unitard gave me the courage I needed to finally defeat my giant plastic Godzilla toy in a fight to the death. I was Sherlock Holmes. At least I think I was supposed to be Sherlock Holmes. Looking back on the photos I come off as some kind of a snooty fourth grade literary critic. "I found Where the Red Fern Grows to be rather banal." Based on recently uncovered photographic evidence, one year my mother dressed me up as a Flamboyantly Gay Pirate. I honestly can't say if this was for Halloween or just a regular Thursday as there are no Halloween decorations visible in the photo just one Completely Fabulous Seven-Year-Old! (Exclamation point added for flamboyancy.)
Perhaps it was those unintentionally hysterical costumes that caused me to lose my interest in Halloween or the fact that I lived in a small town with no more then a handful of homes in a convenient walking distance so every Halloween felt a little like the Bataan Death March if you wanted to fill your candy bag. Whatever the reason, Halloween falls just below President's Day on my list of favorite holidays. This feeling may change when kids enter the picture but until that time - No, I'm not getting dressed up. No, I'm not excited for the party and no, I don't think your costume is clever.
There is one small caveat to my dislike of Halloween. I, like every other Red Blooded, God Fearing, American Male, have a great appreciation for this relatively new Halloween tradition that causes women to only choose trampy stripper outfits for costumes. Since it's only been a decade or so that I've lived in a warm weather climate I can't tell you exactly how long my favorite Halloween tradition has gone on. I had not encountered it until I moved to a part of the country where you could consistently go outside without a heavy winter coat past September. It could be that this beautiful tradition has been going on for decades. My guess is it probably started around the time Britney Spears became popular. I'm not sure how the first archaeologists felt when they came upon Machu Picchu but it must have been close to the giddiness that I felt when I first glimpsed an army of women dressed in various slutty white collar occupational outfits (nurse, librarian, exotic dancer) marching toward the annual West Hollywood parade. I know what some of you veteran Angelenos are thinking - those weren't women. Which brings us to my second favorite Halloween tradition. There is no better day than Halloween to play the always fun and competitive game, That's A Man, Baby!
Perhaps it was those unintentionally hysterical costumes that caused me to lose my interest in Halloween or the fact that I lived in a small town with no more then a handful of homes in a convenient walking distance so every Halloween felt a little like the Bataan Death March if you wanted to fill your candy bag. Whatever the reason, Halloween falls just below President's Day on my list of favorite holidays. This feeling may change when kids enter the picture but until that time - No, I'm not getting dressed up. No, I'm not excited for the party and no, I don't think your costume is clever.
There is one small caveat to my dislike of Halloween. I, like every other Red Blooded, God Fearing, American Male, have a great appreciation for this relatively new Halloween tradition that causes women to only choose trampy stripper outfits for costumes. Since it's only been a decade or so that I've lived in a warm weather climate I can't tell you exactly how long my favorite Halloween tradition has gone on. I had not encountered it until I moved to a part of the country where you could consistently go outside without a heavy winter coat past September. It could be that this beautiful tradition has been going on for decades. My guess is it probably started around the time Britney Spears became popular. I'm not sure how the first archaeologists felt when they came upon Machu Picchu but it must have been close to the giddiness that I felt when I first glimpsed an army of women dressed in various slutty white collar occupational outfits (nurse, librarian, exotic dancer) marching toward the annual West Hollywood parade. I know what some of you veteran Angelenos are thinking - those weren't women. Which brings us to my second favorite Halloween tradition. There is no better day than Halloween to play the always fun and competitive game, That's A Man, Baby!
No comments:
Post a Comment