For those of you that don't follow this blog on a regular basis (weak) or have only recently started reading it and haven't bothered to read the older posts (lazy) I want to remind you that when not afflicted with perfectly curable cancer I am a massively unsuccessful actor and writer. I point this out because lately I've been seeing a lot of new television show promos (that I'm not in) and trailers for films (that I didn't write) that look completely and totally awful. To be clear, I'm not saying they are bad because I didn't write or act in them. Also, appearing galactically terrible would not have kept me from doing everything shy or cutting off a limb for a chance to be involved in the horribleness.
Recently I caught a couple of minutes of a new show "Whitney." I haven't been able to keep solid food down for three days since. Justin Timberlake is staring in a film (I can't believe I just typed that) about a world were no one lives beyond the age of 25. Justin is 30. The other actors heading up this poorly conceived film are 36, 35, 32, 27 and 25 respectively. So, apparently, the only people that can live beyond the age of 25 in this future world are the talentless. Vin Diesel must be King there. "Person of Interest" appears to promote some kind of future-predicting vigilante justice. I can't tell if I'm supposed to be horrified by this premise or relieved that Hollywood has finally jumped on board of Dick Cheney's original plan to keep us all safe? Does this mean I should start voting Republican now? I take all my political views from famous musicians and actors, is Jim Caviezel really famous enough to base my next vote on? This was so much easier when The West Wing was on.
Point being, Hollywood puts out a lot of crap. I've always been certain that one day my crappy product would also get made. Then I saw a preview for a new movie called 50/50. What the fuck!? I think they stole my crappy product! A film about a young handsome genius (I'm assuming) that suddenly gets cancer. Hello, sound like anyone you might know? Granted, I would have gone with Hugh Jackman over Joseph Gordon Levitt - Hugh and I have a closer resemblance in the pectoral region - and I would never cast Seth Rogen in anything otherwise this is exactly my story.
Obviously there are some issues with my claim of non-terminal illness property theft. In most cases it takes years for a film to go from script to screen. How could they write the ending when we don't even know the ending yet? Wouldn't someone from the studio contact me to invite me to the premier? Seriously, did they even bother to make an offer to Hugh Jackman? I'll admit I haven't seen it yet so I can't say for certain that they stole my story. I guess I'll have to do that before I accuse them of stealing my story. In all honesty, it's staring Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen, I couldn't sit through it on a dare. They stole my story!
Recently I caught a couple of minutes of a new show "Whitney." I haven't been able to keep solid food down for three days since. Justin Timberlake is staring in a film (I can't believe I just typed that) about a world were no one lives beyond the age of 25. Justin is 30. The other actors heading up this poorly conceived film are 36, 35, 32, 27 and 25 respectively. So, apparently, the only people that can live beyond the age of 25 in this future world are the talentless. Vin Diesel must be King there. "Person of Interest" appears to promote some kind of future-predicting vigilante justice. I can't tell if I'm supposed to be horrified by this premise or relieved that Hollywood has finally jumped on board of Dick Cheney's original plan to keep us all safe? Does this mean I should start voting Republican now? I take all my political views from famous musicians and actors, is Jim Caviezel really famous enough to base my next vote on? This was so much easier when The West Wing was on.
Point being, Hollywood puts out a lot of crap. I've always been certain that one day my crappy product would also get made. Then I saw a preview for a new movie called 50/50. What the fuck!? I think they stole my crappy product! A film about a young handsome genius (I'm assuming) that suddenly gets cancer. Hello, sound like anyone you might know? Granted, I would have gone with Hugh Jackman over Joseph Gordon Levitt - Hugh and I have a closer resemblance in the pectoral region - and I would never cast Seth Rogen in anything otherwise this is exactly my story.
Obviously there are some issues with my claim of non-terminal illness property theft. In most cases it takes years for a film to go from script to screen. How could they write the ending when we don't even know the ending yet? Wouldn't someone from the studio contact me to invite me to the premier? Seriously, did they even bother to make an offer to Hugh Jackman? I'll admit I haven't seen it yet so I can't say for certain that they stole my story. I guess I'll have to do that before I accuse them of stealing my story. In all honesty, it's staring Joseph Gordon Levitt and Seth Rogen, I couldn't sit through it on a dare. They stole my story!
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