I am rarely comfortable talking intimately about my religious beliefs. I can talk Religion. I'm fascinated by religious history so I can have a relatively well informed discussion about various aspects of the Protestant Reformation, the Nag Hammadi and the books of the Apocrypha to name a few. But if you want to actually talk about what it is I believe, I'm very often at a loss for words. My Mother has been an ordained minister since I was in middle school. My Father got one of those mail-order ordinations (say that five times fast) from the Church of Hope and Light or some such place way back during my parents hippie days in San Francisco. I grew up in the church. Went to church every Sunday since before I can remember up until I moved away from home at eighteen. I am well versed in the Bible. I know dozens of hymns by heart. I may even be able to pull off giving a sermon if I had to. I know all the stories, how they relate to each Christian "season" and I'm a great public speaker (can I get an amen?!). Yet, when I encounter someone that Truly Believes, I never feel faithful enough. When talking religion with some one that has no belief at all, I am hard pressed to put my beliefs into terms that even I could understand let alone another person.
I've been thinking about this often, since my Fathers passing. We had a number of discussions about religion. I think he was as fascinated as I was about all the various religions that had passed through the years. We had joked, a number of times, about how much of a pain in the ass it would be if when you got to Heaven it turned out that Ra, the Egyptian Sun God, was the guy in charge. Wouldn't he be ticked at you for not believing in him. You would try to explain how you'd always been meaning to visit the Pyramids. How you're certain that if you had ever gotten around to it you would have for sure switched over to Ra. At which point you'd be totally screwed because Ra's God and he can tell that you're lying to him. A major no-no in Heaven. You try to point out that you aren't the only one that didn't know Ra was such a big deal and really not even the Egyptians follow Egyptian Mythology. And now Ra's become completely unglued because you called it Mythology which means he's not real and clearly he's real because he's standing right in front of you and about to send you packing across the River Styx (great band!) with the Boatman.
I've wondered, over these last couple months, just who it is my Dad ran into up there. Obviously, the Christian Tradition says it's God and Jesus and the whole thing. Mankind has taken thousands of whacks at trying to explain exactly who, what and if you get to see anything at all once your heart stops pumping. I've got what I grew up with to lean back on or, perhaps, my own whack at trying to understand what happens to us once it's over. The only problem is I'm still trying to decide just what it is I believe.
Until I come up with something I'm satisfied with, I've been talking to my Father. I've asked him if it's all gonna work out. I haven't gotten specific as to what "all" of it is in the hopes he lets slip more than he's allowed. Also, in the hopes that I eventually hear back.
I've been thinking about this often, since my Fathers passing. We had a number of discussions about religion. I think he was as fascinated as I was about all the various religions that had passed through the years. We had joked, a number of times, about how much of a pain in the ass it would be if when you got to Heaven it turned out that Ra, the Egyptian Sun God, was the guy in charge. Wouldn't he be ticked at you for not believing in him. You would try to explain how you'd always been meaning to visit the Pyramids. How you're certain that if you had ever gotten around to it you would have for sure switched over to Ra. At which point you'd be totally screwed because Ra's God and he can tell that you're lying to him. A major no-no in Heaven. You try to point out that you aren't the only one that didn't know Ra was such a big deal and really not even the Egyptians follow Egyptian Mythology. And now Ra's become completely unglued because you called it Mythology which means he's not real and clearly he's real because he's standing right in front of you and about to send you packing across the River Styx (great band!) with the Boatman.
I've wondered, over these last couple months, just who it is my Dad ran into up there. Obviously, the Christian Tradition says it's God and Jesus and the whole thing. Mankind has taken thousands of whacks at trying to explain exactly who, what and if you get to see anything at all once your heart stops pumping. I've got what I grew up with to lean back on or, perhaps, my own whack at trying to understand what happens to us once it's over. The only problem is I'm still trying to decide just what it is I believe.
Until I come up with something I'm satisfied with, I've been talking to my Father. I've asked him if it's all gonna work out. I haven't gotten specific as to what "all" of it is in the hopes he lets slip more than he's allowed. Also, in the hopes that I eventually hear back.
Your dad always *did* have a god complex, so I suppose your plan makes perfect sense.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, you and I both, my friend... you and I both (when I say it twice it adds emphasis and implies I *really* mean it).