Beware of the Shadow Warrior

If growing up in the eighties taught me anything it's that Ninjas are real and you never know when they will strike.  Remember The Master Ninja staring Lee Van Cleef and a young, poorly facially manicured Demi Moore (don't worry, nobody else does either.  But check out those eyebrows!)?  Master Ninja [VHS]  As a boy I was always diligently on the lookout for poison darts and throwing stars that could appear seemingly out of nowhere.  As you can imagine I was a very nervy boy and had to constantly explain why my hands were up in a defensive posture.  Although I am not extensively trained in the martial arts I have seen all five American Ninja movies (watch them in order or you may have trouble following the intricate storyline) so I feel preeeetty well versed in the matter. 

I bring this up because thanks to my recent surgery I am feeling unprepared for the first time since I was eight-years-old for a possible Ninja attack.  Over the last two days I've had trouble standing up quickly and karate chopping the air, diving behind pieces of furniture and adopting the crane pose.  I know the last one is from Karate Kid but come on, that's a kick ass movie right?  Just last night I couldn't manage to hold up a book with my left hand while in bed - how am I to avoid possible decapitation when I can't even hold up a book?  What am I doing wasting my time reading anyway?

I am taking great risk with this posting.  Once the Ninjas know you are at your weakest that's when they are most likely to strike.  I am hoping for a speedy recovery but in the mean time I will take in a double feature of Gymkata and The Octagon to look for tips.