Yesterday was my Mother's birthday! Happy Birthday Mom!! The whole family got together for a night of Indian take-out and television watching. That's how we roll in the Cancer Family. Excitement is our middle name.
Since it was Mom's birthday, my Dad relinquished control of the remote and she got to pick one of her shows. She picked GLEE. GLEE is the show I was forced to sit through in an effort to spend quality time with my Mother on her birthday. Truth is I couldn't make it through but a few minutes at a time without having to excuse myself for an acid flush on my eyes. Luckily with a show as moronic as GLEE you only need tidbits of scenes to understand the entire inane plot line.
My Mom loves musicals. She loves musicals so much apparently that things like insipid dialogue and annoying characters have no effect on her enjoyment of the show. I even questioned her as to how she could sit through such horribly bad writing. Her response was that she likes the musical numbers. I should have offered to sing and dance a little ditty in the living room as an alternative to another moment of the show but that didn't occur to me until just now.
Many of you who have known me for a long time time are probably thinking "Jules, you were always the lead in our high school musicals. I thought you loved to sing and dance." That's true. I chewed up the scenery in multiple high school musical productions. It was those glowingly adequate reviews that propelled me into my current career as a non-working actor. Now some of you that do not know me that well are thinking "Lead in musicals plus a star football player? This must be one hell of a man!" This is also true.
So I tried to watch GLEE. Between repeatedly banal conversations about how we are all the same on the inside I realized something - this ultra inclusive show is actually excluding me! There is not a single character on GLEE that has cancer. It doesn't even have to be Hodgkin's Lymphoma but for God's Sake you bend over backwards to include everyone how could you be so remarkably un-PC as to exclude a massive group of people. What would be really great is if they revealed that the entire cast were Stage Four Cancer Patients and in the season finally they all passed away. Hell, why wait for the season finally, do it now I say.
So I would like to submit myself to the GLEE producers as their next perfectly politically correct character. I can come on and talk ad nauseum about my feelings and how cancer doesn't discriminate so neither should you - you misogynistic, racist, homophobic bastard!
Finally, is there never a moment on that useless show where someone says "How ya doing?" and the other party just responds "Great!"? Does it always have to be "How am I doing? I can't walk! That's how!" or "I'm confused sexually, how about you?" I feel like we are teaching kids the wrong lesson here. "How ya doing?" does not mean I actually care about how fucked up you are. It means I'm saying hello. Leave it light and move on. Keep your problems to yourself pushed down deep inside. It was that kind of attitude that lead the US of A to the gold medal in a couple of major wars and through The Great Depression. Not all this talk about our inner-most feelings. You know who likes to talk about their feelings - the French. How'd they do in WWII?
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