Jules the Italian

I used to love Jimmy the Greek.  I learned a lot at an early age about sports betting thanks to Jimmy and the rest of the gang at The NFL on CBS.  My Father always helped explain it.  We used to write down all the spreads for the games and make our picks.  It only got awkward when my Dad sent his Goons to collect from me.  I learned my lesson though.  Deadbeats get their thumbs broke no matter what elementary school grade they are in. 

So it is with the late, great (and as it turned out a little racist), Jimmy The Greek in mind that I unleash for the first time ever my NFL preview and predictions!  Additionally, in an effort to keep my growing legions of female readers happy, I will be interspersing my predictions with things that I know Ladies like.  And if there is one thing Jules knows better than football it's what Ladies like.  How you doin?

NFC EAST

PHILLY - 13-3 - They'll be very good but I'm not buying all the Dream Team nonsense.  I just don't see Michale Vick making it through a whole season meaning Vince Young has to play and nobody wants that to happen - not even Vince Young.  My bet is like every other Andy Reid and/or Michael Vick team they put up a great regular season and eventually take a nose dive in a playoff game.  Kind of feels like such an obvious situation that the pattern has to change at some point.  This season won't be it.

NY - 11-5 - They look snakebit to me.  I don't know if Coughlin just wears his guys to a nub or they have had a string of bad luck and that's why for several years now they keep having injury issues.  Either way, they'll grind out a winning season probably even a wildcard spot but in the end I doubt they will have the horses to make it out of the first round.

DALLAS - 7-9 - I know they are loaded with talent but I just don't see a guy that looks like a life size version of Howdy Doody consistently leading a team to victories.  As Funny Eddie Murphy (that's pre-Another 48hrs) would say - I just can't picture Little Opie Cunningham doin it!  I can't picture nobody wantin to do it with Little Opie Cunningham neither!

WASHINGTON - 3-13 - Terrible.  Just awful.  Mike Shannahan, meet George Seifert.  George, please explain to Mike what's happening to his Hall of Fame chances.

Ladies, thanks for hanging in - this one's for you.

 

NFC NORTH

CHICAGO - 12-4 - I never know what to make out of Lovie Smith, Brian Urlacher or Jay Cutler.  All of them seem terrible to me most of the time and yet somehow they all have jobs, wind up with winning records and even in Championship games/Super Bowls.  Lovie Smith got there with Rex Grossman for God's sake.  So I'm changing directions here and going big with the Bears.  No other reason then I'm so confused by what to me seems like an awful coach and a talentless team that inexplicably keeps doing well.

GREEN BAY 11-5 - I want to start by saying Fuck Green Bay.  Fuck that Fucking team and their bullshit Super Bowl win.  Aaron Rogers molests collies.  Okay, that's it.  All done... Fuck The Packers!  That's really it.  Moving on, I think they'll suffer from a bit of a Super Bowl hangover during the regular season then crank it up in the playoffs, the dirty cheaters.

 Leave these dogs alone, Aaron Rodgers!

DETROIT - 7-9 - Love the D not so sure about Stafford and his arthritic shoulder.  I have a feeling they will have a number of heartbreaking misses and wind up as one of the best covers for the season and Ndamukong Suh will get tagged as one of the dirtiest players in the NFL - taking the heat off of Hines Ward and the rest of The Steelers.  Thank you in advance, Mr. Suh.

MINNESOTA - 4-12 - I like Donovan McNabb.  I have always felt that he's gotten a bad rep.  With the exception of his one year with TO the man has never played with a top flight receiver in his prime.  The one year he did they lost in the Super Bowl.  That being said, he is no longer a quality starting QB in the NFL.  Good luck on your first NFL start in game five, Christian Ponder!   

Gals - check this out!

NFC SOUTH

NEW ORLEANS - 14-2 - I admit it, I have a man-crush on Drew Brees.  I write him letters, drive by his place to see if his car's out front, leave pet rabbits boiling in stock pots in his kitchen.  As much as I like Ben Roethlisberger as the Steelers QB, I would love - LOVE -Brees as The Burgh's starter.  For that reason alone this team wins the NFC.

ATLANTA - 12-4 - If I didn't have my man-crush on Brees I'd probably have Atlanta first in the South.  This team is loaded and even though Mike Smith looks like the aging body builder at your local gym that you avoid because you know he wants more than anything to give you unsolicited advice on how to "Up Your Bench," he is a rock solid head coach.  A Super Bowl winning head coach?  Not this year.

TAMPA BAY - 9-7 - I'm picturing a lot of tough breaks for this team.  I'm not sold on Josh Freeman as a big time QB - yet.  I admit that could change.  Raheem Morris strikes me as a great motivator but not necessarily a great coach.  That starts to look a lot like a high paid male cheerleader if things don't go well. 

CAROLINA - 2-14 - I wouldn't let Ron Rivera lead a boy scout troop let alone an NFL team.  Although the Boy Scouts would probably be frightened and as a result take longer to catch on that you shouldn't listen to anything the man says.  On the plus side, I'm looking forward to the Cam Newton debacle. 

Girls,

Now please sit quietly while we continue our man talk.

NFC WEST

ARIZONA - 8-8 - In the land of Awful the Average Man is King.  I have no clue what Kevin Kolb will do.  Best guess is very little but for a team that started Derek Anderson, John Skelton and Max Hall last year very little is preferable to Nothing At All. 

ST. LOUIS - 6-10 - I believe Sam Bradford will be the next big thing plus they get to play six games against three of the worst teams in football.  Other then that they are Mediocre City.  Average D, average run game, average coach. 

SEATTLE - 4-12 - As long as Pete Carroll is head coach here (with the added bonus of  Tavaris Jackson at QB) whoever the Seahawks are playing against will be my go to bet.  Forget Red Bull and Vodka, Carrol and Tavaris are the true Gamblers Delight.

SAN FRANCISCO - 3-13 - Jim Harbaugh once helped me win another guys entire paycheck back in 95 during the Harbaugh's Heros days.  On top of that my eventual Father In-Law is a hardcore Niner's fan, not riot in the parking lot hardcore but shave a few years off and I bet he'd have been in there.  Neither my former winnings or an easy way to curry favor from my future In-Laws is enough for me to believe that Jim Harbaugh will succeed as a coach with the 49ers. 

Last one ladies,

     

AFC Post tomorrow.  After that I swear I'll start talking about cancer again.  I just love football so damn much!