I am about to embark on my first Cancer Roadtrip! An old friend of mine, who shall remain nameless but he's the youngest ever Lieutenant Colonel in the history of the Air Force, is taking me to NYC. We will be stopping in Manchester, NH to take in a minor league game and at Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut to do a little gambling on our way.
As a great lover of movies I immediately recognize my amazing chance to fulfil a number of "take a sick kid on one last road trip" cliches over the next couple of days!
Should I go to some kind of barn dance and meet a simple country girl that accepts me for who I am? Will I drive a sports car at breakneck speeds then talk my way out of the ticket because - "you see officer, I may never have this chance again?" And in the end can he say the words - "I thought we were teaching Jules and all along he was teaching us?"
Okay, so that last one is from Radio but either way there's some real potential here.
Right now my plan is to pull the Cancer Card at the Manchester FisherCats game in an effort to get on the field. Maybe try and throw out the first pitch or perhaps suit up and take some hacks once the game is out of hand (hey, it's the movies, you never know). Then, while in the stands, I will teach some group of kids/hillbillies how precious life is. Afterwards, at the town social some girl next door type will ask me to dance with her. Since I've never danced before due to my condition I will be hesitant at first and then, surprise surprise, it turns out I'm a great dancer! Also, I will dance like no one is watching.
In Mohegan Sun I will break out my amazing ability to count cards/read pro poker players and win gobs of money. Money that could go to my further treatments but instead I will give it to either a friend who's trying to save his families farm or a younger and sicker version of myself. Either way, everyone around me will learn that material possessions don't matter and to live life to the fullest. This is very moving stuff.
On the final leg of my journey I will start to feel weak. I'm thinking about coughing up some blood here but it might be more cinematic if my buddy notices it dripping out of my ears. It will be the art directors call. I'll crawl into the back seat, cover myself in a blanket and some kind of inspirational song will come on the radio. My best guess is it will be Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel but it could be Everybody's Talkin' in a nod to Midnight Cowboy. We will drive into NYC (without any real traffic, amazingly) as the sun sets through the skyline.
I don't know about you but I've got goosebumps.
Okay, got to go. Need to shave my head before we hit the road.
Maybe in the end you, along with your older brother, get adopted by a really rich single white older guy with a younger daughter and it becomes a sage commentary on race and class in 1980s America . . .
ReplyDeleteThen, in an episode that will live in infamy, the fat dude from WKRP will try to touch us in the wrong places.
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